Egg Man...

I only thought of that song because we were having wings...which made me think of a wing man..which, in turn, didn't really seem like the most apropos topic for a food blog...but, since chickens have wings and they lay eggs..I thought we could talk about one of THE greatest albums of all times...Paul's Boutique..can we get at least a little finger clap for the Beastie Boys????  Well...we should really move along..I have to work in the morning (allow the crying to commence....)  I would much prefer not work, but wouldn't we all????

"'Tis a causeless fantasy, is it not, Mama?????  Perhaps we should be a little more pragmatic, no???"

Sesame Speckled Sticky Wing Components: Wings, Soy Sauce, Sesame Oil, Ginger, Honey and Garlic...

We had special wings...kinda like me...but special in the bad way...not the good way, unfortunately...

Time to create the marinade...begin with soy sauce....we have a series of 'action' shots...and I use that term 'action' quite loosely..the world of a food blogger can be rather daunting..hahahahahahahaha..I am SO kidding...I need to get out a little more often, IMHO...is it THAT obvious????

Add some sesame oil...can you feel the pressure mounting...just like the big banks and the municipal bonds....the anticipation is gargantuan in size...hahahahaha...again, I kid...although now I really wish I could turn up Paul's Boutique...

Rope a dope...the newest in new...we're kicking the new k-nowledge...the sound of science....

add some honey...sorry..I was wayyyy off track..I blame those Beastie Boys...it's totally their fault..as I am never unfocused...nope...

Marinate your wings...They remained whole..for presentation purposes..although raw chicken is possibly the grossest thing ever...visually speaking, of course...I'm still trying to figure out why I posted this photo..maybe just because..that's my best excuse...and I am lacking a better word....After they have spent some time in the marinade...roast at 425 for about 30 minutes..

"Hey, Ladies...check out those abs on Puck..be still my little heart...I may just faint in the kitchen...perhaps he can carry me home tonight!  hahahahahahahaha" 

Yellow Rice..well...it is delish.and I may just be saying this because I've had two waffles in the past two days..yeah...that's about it...no blogging typically equals no cooking..which means no eating....you'll need some butter, chicken stock and a carrot for your rice..it's like the MacGyver of rice dishes...hahahahahahaha...someone got a paper clip and a rubber band....we could totally blow something up with that..or at least be on the 6 o'clock news....!!!!

Saute your rice...

Continue to add chicken stock and simmer....while the wings roast in the oven...

"Hey baby won't you look my way......I am awfully cute and such..."

The final wings...ugh..stupid ghetto cam....

I told myself earlier...don't use the square plate...it's not going to work, yet I used the square plate...I really need to learn to not listen to myself...proceed to sprinkle with scallions and sesame seeds...honestly, this was one of the tastiest dishes I have made...but I am filled with absolute disappointment on the plating....those square plates, and ghetto cam need to just go...good riddance..I am sure they have had the time of their life...hahahahaha..who wouldn't..especially here!  hahahhahahaha...only chainsaw jugglers need answer that question...

Well...we worked very hard today so we wouldn't have to work tonight..and I somehow feel it was all for nothing..as their is still more work to be done...isn't that sad in addition to being a conundrum of epic proportions???  I'm still stuck on the whole drama thing...sorry..again...I blame the causeless fantasy...oh, and Paul's Boutique..maybe a little AWOLnation and a tiny bit of Pierre Bouvier...but..I am merely guessing at this point...again, we are working on getting out more...go make some wings....and rice...they were delicious...remember..everybody talks...tooo much...;-)

Waffles are not Awful....

However, speaking of awful...rain..well, rain is awful...and it really just needs to stop...it really put a damper on our Saturday....hahahaha..can we at least get a little finger clap for idioms???  anyone out there????  But waffles on the other hand are delicious, and they provide for an excellent foundation in the creation of a sandwich...please join us on our journey....fasten your seat belts, my internet friends...it could be a bumpy ride...hahahahaha..again, this drama...I should save it for my mama..but that would be zero fun!  We made a Frosted Flake encrusted chicken sandwich topped with cole slaw and bacon all layered in between two waffles...and some homemade potato chips...it should be unlawful!  Perhaps not...again...the exaggeration..however, again I can imagine it wasn't exactly a low-cal sorta thing...

"Oh, Mama....I think I hear crickets...oh, wait...maybe that's just rain drops I hear...well, um..no...I'm fairly certain those are crickets..sorry..hahahahahahahaa"

Begin with a Chicken Breast and some Buttermilk...

You can make your own buttermilk...a little vinegar and cream...I found that out today...Boy, The Google...it does great stuff...marinate the chicken in buttermilk for a bit...prior to the marinating, pound it flat..yeah..again, you get to beat the crap out of a piece of chicken...you've seen me do that a million times...so I spared you the gory details...some day you'll thank me, I'm quite certain...

Peanut Oil (or some other type of oil, however, peanut is best...IMHO, of course) is necessary for making potato chips...

you could also bake or, insert gasp here, make them in the microwave...ugh...I read about that on The Google as well...

it made my eyeballs bleed....microwaved potato chips????  Ewwwwwwwww...that's about as hideous as some guy sporting a Speedo or listening to Paris Hilton 'sing.'

Alright..proceed to heat your oil of choice and add thinly sliced potatoes...I used a knife...again, I omitted the slicing shot...for your sake, no doubt...but you could use a grater or mandoline...just throwing suggestions out there...it is Saturday Night...we didn't have a lot going on...which would imply there should be more to our meal..again...I'm all about setting the bar as low as it can go...I blame this stinkin' rain...There will be zero disappointment over here on the west side of town..maybe..maybe not.. 

After your chips have fried, drain and sprinkle with sea salt...allow to cool on a rack..

Meanwhile...we need to prepare a coating for our chicken...Mayonnaise, Dijon, Honey, Garlic, Cayenne and Frosted Flakes...Yup...Frosted Flakes are delish on chicken...trust me on this one....

Remove your chicken from the buttermilk marinade...meanwhile combine mayo, dijon, cayenne, garlic and honey...coat your chicken with the mixture then coat with crushed Frosted Flakes....again, we're missing a step or two here, photograph wise...I blame ghetto cam this time...my on/off button is about to stop working...it's all weird...I can turn it on after several attempts...but I have to take the batteries out to turn it off...it is in rather sad shape...I dropped it again the other night, after I fell...I think we both may need to reside in those hollow spheres of clear plastic..like the ones for hamsters and gerbils...it seems like a logical way to prevent future damage....to both of us...

Brown your chicken....finish in the oven..10-15 minutes...

Place cooked chicken atop your waffle...Now, I will admit...we did cheat again tonight...I do not own a waffle iron...I would have definitely preferred a homemade waffle...but I won't be here too much longer and I'm not lugging a waffle iron all the way across the country..so...can we get a little finger clap for Eggo...I toasted them under the broiler...I don't have a toaster either...In fact, there are lots of things I don't have...do you have the time???  hahahahhaha...like that Willis Coach Bag, in Mahogany...I STILL don't have that!

Add mayonnaise and bacon...

Top with Coleslaw...

Ta-Daaaaaaa....The Assembled Sandwich...

"Oh, Mama...what kind of food can't make up it's mind????  A waffle!  hahahahahah..get it????"

Our final meal...with the potato chips....again, this did not plate well..I think I need to do a little more research on some recipes..although it was very delicious...

Our journey began on Saturday night, however circumstances allowed it to lead into Sunday...it's almost kinda, sorta, maybe like the Twilight Zone..(the horror and the supernatural, of course)....and at least we were able to post two whole nights in a row...that's a new record...my sofa is gone..which is a good thing...it wasn't stolen..it did have my permission to leave the apartment..we are planning on returning tomorrow...don't underestimate the power of a waffle sandwich...it does good things and tastes delicious...like..um...lots of things, shall we say!  hahahahaha...And while we are huge waffle fans, of the small crisp batter cake...we never waffle...we're very good at making up our minds...maybe..possibly, and shall we throw in a perhaps...see all y'all tomorrow...

We Shall Not Capitulate...

Well, what a week this has been!  We managed to make our return and have some real food...again, we have sustained on cereal for the most part...our time has been consumed by this super-awesome spreadsheet..yup...actually more than one...shhh....those spreadsheets don't know about one another..keep it on the DL..Being that it is the weekend, we had some time to cook...we have set the bar rather low...as to avoid any sort of disappointment...dinner was not super fancy nor was it all too photogenic...hmmm..that sounds vaguely familiar...

"Oh, Mama...I think you may have just described yourself!!  Hahahahahaha!!!  I really do crack myself up...."

Yeah, she's quite the comedian...although she fails to realize our situations are hardly amusing...but they may be slapstick at times...it's probably more along the lines of a Comedy of Errors...I shall spare you the details....hahahahaha..JK....and we should move along to our soup.  I know..I know what you're thinking..after a week, all I've got is soup...again, that bar...it is quite low, so zip it...not to mention it has been cold, cold, cold and rainy, rainy, rainy and windy, windy, windy...but it is spring break, so that explains everything...Clam Chowder, of the New England variety seemed quite fitting for the weather...besides I really wanted some...

Dinner Components: Cream, Clams, Flour, Butter, Chicken Stock, Clam Juice, Garlic, Bacon, Potatoes and Onion...

I will admit, the clam juice...it's sorta against my religion to use that stuff from the bottle, but I am all out of seafood stock..not to mention I didn't actually have time to make some...I have an excuse for everything!

Begin by browning some bacon in your Dutch Oven of Righteousness...a bit of an over-kill..but I love this thing...and bacon as well...that's why we made extra...because bacon is the bomb...and Written-Off Penny rolls no other way....hahahahaha

"Um..Mama...just so you know, you are hardly righteous...hahahahaha...please don't become indignant...I am merely exercising my First Amendment Right...I don't care what your NDA says....hahahahaha"

While your bacon is browning...chop up your vegetables...this is FUN!  And we are young...sorry...couldn't resist that joke...mincing and dicing is a rather therapeutic activity...

"Oh, Mama...you'd better keep on a-choppin'....from what I have witnessed, you need a TON of therapy...I guess you'll be dicing vegetables until 2025....hahahahahahaha"

Remove your browned bacon...add a little butter and saute the onion and garlic...ginormous man-hands not required, but highly recommended...

Proceed to sprinkle in a little flour to thicken and such....

Add a diced potato and carrot...continue to saute...

Once things have sufficiently softened..continue by adding (yes..this is a cringe-worthy moment...it's from a bottle...ugh...again, my apologies..) clam juice..yeah, ok..I said it out loud...now excuse me while I run off and cry...I was slightly exaggerating...however, it does bug me..kinda like Reality Television....and Lawn Ornaments...

Add a cup of chicken stock...at this point, everything needs to simmer for about 20-30 minutes...you can use this opportunity to walk the dog...in the rain.....that's about as exciting as it got tonight...

"Oh, Mama...maybe I'll just rest...we did have quite a great time with that cute law student last night...rest is best, no?????  I'm tired!!!"  Excellent point, my Sweet Pea...it was the only fun thing we did all week long...

After everything has simmered...add some cream...now I SHOULD have used the fat-free half and half...trust me...I couldn't bring myself...it is borderline blasphemous to desecrate a cream-based soup with something fat-free...although, now I feel like a puffer fish..perhaps tomorrow night we shall have a salad..hahahahaha...doubtful...maybe we'll just go to the gym...hahahahahaha...that's even funnier...deep down I know those things just aren't going to happen...kinda like telling yourself a Kardashian wouldn't use Twitter for shameless self promotion....or that pigs really do fly....

Now add your minced clams...again, had I had more energy, I would have used real live clams...it's just...well..you know, standing at the seafood counter...I just couldn't do it..although when it came time to open the can...I realized my can opener broke last week...improvisation was necessary...as you can see...shall we throw in a yikes and an ouch or two...that lid was sharp...just ask my now band-aid covered right hand...

We made up for the clams by having these delicious crackers...oh, my dear heavens..they are so good they deserve way more than an OMG...You wouldn't expect that sort of reaction from a cracker..but crackers are just under-rated, IMHO...

Crumble the bacon and place atop the soup....

This is our 'action' shot, so to speak..Soup tends to be terribly unphotogenic as I mentioned previously..but it was what was absolutely needed today...

Well, my internet friends...it was nice to be back...pleasant and enjoyable one might even say..well, at least for me, anyway..I'm sure you may have different thoughts..We did sell our television the other day..that's a great thing..we have plans on returning tomorrow...it is the weekend and I am hopeful it will allow for some more free time...maybe we'll even cook some real food...we have mad plans...tee-hee...You should make some soup...it's perfectly crappy weather to do such a thing...G'night...

I Blame the Hoodie...

Sorry..I couldn't help it...seriously how and why is Geraldo on the television????  Yet another reason I don't do this television thing..well, except for Glee..and that's just to watch the cute boys...but I do love hoodies...in fact, I have several...they rock...like boots and boys and knee socks..sorry..I just couldn't resist a jab on a Friday night..it is the west side and such...we roll no other way....but for reals...Geraldo is a loon...It's been a long couple of days...I made a list...um...let me see...it snowed the other night...a lot...for here...then the power went out for SEVERAL hours...which shut down my computer..which made me lose everything on my spreadsheet...then I went outside in capris and flip-flops and got locked out...apparently key FOBS don't work when the power is out....then my cell phone died...I managed to track down my headlamp...but, yeah..the batteries were dead...and I had one lowly candle on its last leg...so I just went to bed...

"Oh, Mama...it probably happened because you were wearing that hoodie...the one with the fuzzy collar..I'll totally bet that's why...hahahaha...at least our knight in shining armor on the fourth floor was kind enough to walk all the way downstairs to allow us into the building...Oh, wait...he's the King..that's right....and a gigantic smarty-pants...I almost forgot..."

Soooooooooooo...anyway...amongst these series of unfortunate events, one I failed to mention, much to your chagrin....I lost all off my photos on ghetto cam..I think it was wearing a hoodie....or maybe it was a Koozie...I forget...But tonight I somehow was able to recover these photos..as this meal was made last night..but I couldn't blog earlier as the pictures disappeared...Yay for you I found them..hahahahaha...we had Doritos tonight..I haven't had a Dorito in about 5 years..but I decided to splurge..and I know they're bad and gross and disgusting..but in a good way..like chicken mcnuggets...and they were delicious...just ask my fluorescent orange fingers...but we made a Puff Pastry Pizza!!!

Puff Pastry, Yellow Squash, Zucchini, Garlic, Onion, Crushed Red Pepper, Olive Oil, Basil and Feta

Proceed to slice all of your vegetables..zero injuries...my knife, at this point, is so dull...hahahahahahaha...like me and this blog....sorry, I couldn't resist...again, if you can't make fun of yourself you can't make fun of others...and that's no fun IMHO...

Drizzle your squash with olive oil and pepper...toss to coat...

Place your veggies under the broiler for a few minutes...just to create a little color...

"Mama...it started with a whisper...everybody talks...."

While your squash broils...saute onion and garlic in a little olive oil...to soften and such..

Deglaze with some balsamic vinegar...this makes a HUGE mess..but it smells heavenly...

Roll out a sheet of puff pastry...it's a total cheat move, but again...I have this terrible fear of yeast and making dough...kinda, sorta, maybe the same way I feel about artichokes...simply scary...like my singing...and like pleated jeans...and clowns...Anyhoo...roll out your puff pastry..a rolling pin was used..this was not documented...again, it happened...for reals...proceed to sprinkle with crushed red pepper...

Add your squash...We also grated a little bit of parmesan cheese as well...I can't grate cheese and take pictures at the same time...my bad..sorry...so, again, I did for reals!

 Place your balsamic onions atop everything...

Sprinkle with Feta Cheese...The walls weren't built to crumble...but feta cheese was, BTW...and we didn't even stumble..

"Mama..that's a lie...you were wearing those flip flops..you should know better...I personally witnessed you come down freely under the influence of gravity...or maybe the influence of a martini???????  hahahahaha....however, it was rather embarrassing...shhhhhhh....yikes!!!!"

Bake your pizza at 400 degrees....10-15 minutes...this picture was HORRIBLE..but it was the only one I had...of the finale, mind you...the steam sorta, kinda, maybe smudged up the lens on ghetto cam...and since it's in such bad shape, I had no idea...but, it's only pizza..not that I would ever discriminate against pizza...I love it...it's just not something which plates all too well...I should just stop...

Well, my internet associates...hahaha...I just liked that...not sure why..perhaps, well maybe just because I did...Make some pizza...it's not nearly as good as Park Pizza..but then again, we didn't have any Yuengling either...oh, well..soon...very soon....Oh, be sure and have some Doritos...zero regrets..well, maybe one or two...just don't eat the whole bag..and fear not the hoodie...they are a ubiquitous fashion item...and they rock..like cute racecar drivers...and the You Tube..and boots...and I could go on and on...I shall stop...see, my thoughtfulness never ceases....it's a win-win situation for everone!!