It Was Only A Kiss....

How did it end up like this...???  I swear it was only a kiss...for reals...and a good one at that...But, yet an appropriate time to be a tad on the coy side...boys may or may not have been involved..however, it was total fun and worth a mention..and I really should get out more..and we found a new band..I am certain you are overjoyed!!  Now my neighbor, on the otherhand..not so much...The Killers!!!  OMG...they rock!  Mr. Brightside..big sighs and butterflies.....ahhhhh....

"Oh, Mama...I just can't look...are you sure it was only a kiss?????"

Yup..we were out last night..on the east side even...shhhh....but, we're back!  Just in time, I suspect..to cook and the like...things familiar...the things we do...not necessarily well, but we do them...mostly 'cause we feel like it...and that is important...so, this evening...herb and pancetta stuffed pork tenderloin, roasted fennel and potato puree and roasted broccolini...a complete experiment..I love experiments...only nothing blew up or caught on fire or set of alarms or required stitches or law enforcement or a body bag or band-aids.....so, I suppose those are signs of a successful evening???  That is yet to be determined...I think...but I think way tooooo much..sorry for you..yeah..it is you that ultimately suffers, no doubt...

Fennel-Potato Puree Components:  Well...um..let me see..fennel and potatoes, yup..Oh, and butter, garlic olive oil and cream...and I so totally think I want to start a punk rock band..and I have the perfect name...The Fennel Fronds!  I love that word...fronds...and it is absolutely a super-cool name for a band..in my hoot-owl notebook!

Chop...dice..slice...use sharp objects, with caution, of course..And totes shake some bootie....The Killers...were our band of choice...and I am pretty certain they're sampling Ode To Joy...which only makes it that much cooler...you can't beat Symphony #9....or Beethoven...nope...

OMG...we've gotten so way off track..again, it is just not my fault...I blame that kiss...oh, and Brandon Flowers..., again, he should not be allowed to be soooo cute!!  However, I am NOT complaining...not in the least...destiny is calling me..right into his arms, fo' sho'!  hahahahahahahaha...that's only if Puck and Darren are too busy.. ;-)

"My sweet Mama...that looks delish!  I'm coming out of my cage...watch out, Portland!!  Hahahahahahahahahaha"

SO, we should address the other portion of our meal..it does exist and it does not deserve to be neglected...no, no, no...and you could also listen to a little Simple Plan..we did..shhhhhh...Again, welcome to my life...it is lame and nerdy and filled with terrible puns and science jokes..but, heck...we have fun..and that's all that matters...so...kiss my grits!  hahahahahahhaha...Mel's Diner...loved that...and Flo...Now I totally want a bee-hive and a pack of gum...LOL....oh, and a pink-polyester waitress uniform.. yeah... shhhhh...

Tenderloin Components:  Pancetta, Pork, Pepper, Thyme, Parsley and Olive Oil

Cook your pancetta...I did have about 49 pictures of that process..again...WIP, my friends...and they were all blurry...and hideous...and disappointing...I shall spare you the hideousness of the situation..Instead, close your eyes and envision pancetta cooking...you can do it!  I know you can!!

Once you have stuffed the tenderloin with herbs and pancetta...wrap up and secure with some twine...be sure and soak your twine in H20..otherwise it catches on fire...yeah...again, I speak from experience...trust me on this one, folks...oven fires are THE worst...especially when they ignite your sleeves and singe your eyebrows and eye lashes and your dish towels..but, I'll stop...you get the picture...not that that's ever happened to me...nope, never has...I merely read about it on The Google...totes....felt it would be kind of me to pass this type of information along...a civic duty of sorts...a PSA, in fact!

Roast your pork in the oven...375 for approximately 35 minutes or so...again...this allows for some free time...to enjoy tunes and such..do not pass up this opportunity..

"Um...Mama...PLEASE  stop making noise or otherwise communicating...I'm hungry!!  I am not an impolite kinda gal..but seriously..."

Our final meal...now the fennel-potato puree..once roasted I put it in the blender..Yeah, Bob made an appearance..but, again..bad photos...Yikes!!  I also made a little pan sauce by deglazing with some sherry..again, it was totally a terrible photo night...I blame distractions and a fickle camera..regardless..this was not nearly as photogenic as I had hoped..but it was rather tasty...and you can't really beat broccolini...well, you can and I did..hence no photos prior to the roasting...tisk-tisk...

Hmmm....I would love to be Mrs. BrightSide..that's all I'm gonna say..It was only a kiss...Fo' sho'!...this is what we've got on a Thursday..Sassy gals continue to rock...I'm already so over this year, yet it has just begun!  hahahahahahahaha....Destiny is calling me!  Fennel-potato puree is soo delish..and I highly recommend making such a thing....I never...I never...I never...Gotta, gotta, gotta be down because I want it all...not too much to ask, IMHO, of course...G'night my internet friends....I'll let you go...but you have to promise to return!  I do know where you live...all three of you..it's not hard to keep track...hahahahahahaha....

The Lone Pundit...

Good evening...and welcome my internet friends...at least I hope you're my friends...I suppose I should have asked before I was so cavalier with the term and my assumptions..you know what they say about those, no???..yup...I'm a pundit..why you ask???...well, really 'cause I said I was...and it's my blog..so for all you know I'm really Wonder Woman....hahahahahahaha...nah...but I am offering to a mass media my opinion and commentary on a particular subject area in which I am knowledgeable...in this case food...LOL...and triple LOL...now this may be the internet, however the traffic to this sight would hardly ever be considered 'massive' and my knowledge is questionable..in fact, there is a lot which is questionable...but, I shall spare you the gory details...we've got all year to address these..I wouldn't wanna have all the fun the first week of the year!

Anyhoo...we're keeping things short and sweet and simple...I know!!  My first KISS of the new year...shhhhhhhhh.... It is shocking, is it not, as I am hardly short on ANYTHING...especially words!!  tisk-tisk...but I had to get my hair cut and it was just a bizarre night and would you expect any less..again, as I have said before..it IS a new year..but hardly a new me..it was rather dreary outdoors...so, a perfect excuse for soup!  I love, love, love soup...New England Clam Chowder....and I love, love, love Bowling for Soup, too...FYI, of course...

"Oh, me..Oh, my...a big bullfrog and a butterfly, Mama...NO Hablo Ingles!!"

Yup..she's mad at me AGAIN...and it still is so absolutely not my fault!  This time she wanted to eat some foreign substance on the floor of the elevator and I would not allow her to do such a thing!  She just doesn't realize you can't do stuff like that!  Who KNOWS what it even was or if it was, in fact, something edible...ICK!!!  Oh, and throw in an EW!!!!!

Chowder Components: Cream, Clams, Leeks, Seafood Stock, Bacon, Shallot, Garlic, Carrots, Potato, Thyme and Bay Leaf

Oh...Oh...and triple OH!!!!  THE complete and utter highlight of our evening..You guessed it...not only did we get to slice and dice and mince and such....BUT..are you sitting down..again, I am thoughtful...JIC you forgot....time to shake some bootie...turn it way up, my friends..it's Tuesday..do you need a better reason??  I thought not...You're not gonna wake up feeling sorry...that is fo' sho'!  We should give a little finger clap, at least..for Simple Plan..um and yum...that Pierre Bouvier is SO cute!

"Um, well Mama...I'm Addicted to that bassist..David...he's pretty cute, too..just sayin'  Personally I can't keep my hands off of any of them, for that matter!  OH, and where's my fruit roll-up!!!"

Cook your bacon (not photoed..and I'm sure by now you know exactly why...), remove and then saute your vegetables...we did leap and we did toss..briefly over high heat...it was great...art-filled even...yup...I don't mince words..hahahahahhaa..just veggies..oh, and fingertips....

Add seafood stock...I was super-excited with this shot...aside from the fact it takes very..and I emphasize very...little to excite me...it was an action shot..and I was able to do two things at once...the camera didn't fall into the soup...I didn't trip and fall backwards...again..the drama...I like to save it for my mama...I just couldn't help myself!  We are rather cool and awesome over here on the west side...shhhhh.....little known secret....hahahahahahahaha...that was a total oxymoron...contradiction in terms, so to speak...yeah, there's a joke there, too..I'll spare you...just this once!

Simmer...Simmer and maybe shimmy-shimmy ya...ODB still rocks in my book..regardless....we gently cooked our soup...it remained just at or below the boiling point...and I was not filled with pent-up emotion...prolly cause I had zero interaction with anyone possessing that stinkin' Y chromosome today...hahahahahahaha..JK..

"Oh, Mama...how 'bout we leave the past in the past...Oh, No Hablo Ingles..."

Our final soup...once you have simmered...add some cream and the crumbled bacon...again, these photos were downright hideous...I think my camera may have taken off for Canada..it was that embarrassed...This, while not all that photogenic..(I shall refrain..as I did with my thyme jokes..aren't you impressed???)....However, it was so delicious!  I do realize Chowder of the NE variety doesn't usually have carrots..and it usually has celery instead of leeks...I strongly encourage making this version...perfect for a cold, dreary day...especially after the holidays and such...

Well, again..today was awesomely awesome...thanks to a sassy gal and such...I still find it hard to believe that it is 2012...Man, am I so glad I didn't make any resolutions..I don't think I could handle the pressure..they're overrated anyway, IMHO, of course...Leave the past in the past...Another day, another casualty...We're not the one's who were meant to follow..I'm just a kid...and You're so gonna miss me when I'm gone!!  Listen to a little Simple Plan...it rocks..like knee socks and NE Clam Chowder and Lone Pundits, of course..tisk-tisk...I am THE Confucius of the next generation..for reals and such..ask anyone!  G'night my chickadees...see all y'all tomorrow...I hope...

Goin' Rogue....

Hahahahahaha..and LOL..although we are large, destructive, anomalous, unpredictable and playfully mischevious...we are not unprincipled, deceitful, nor unreliable...nor are we wandering beggars, nor vagrants...but HECK!  If Sarah Palin can do it, why can't we!  But then again, she's like the 'pocket politician.'...just this wee little tiny thing...you could totally fit her in your pocket...I, on the other hand...may, on a good day, fit into Paul Bunyan's pocket...hahahahahaha..and I wish to add this disclaimer..there is nothing wrong with being little..nor being Sarah..nor fitting into someone's pocket...The Google states you can judge a woman's intelligence based on her shoe size..sooo..hmmm..just sayin'.... much like a guys' shoe size, only it's not typically in reference to intelligence..tisk-tisk...so it must be true...Heck, she can see Russia from her back porch..she's sooo global...I, on the other hand, am THISCLOSE to Canada...so I must be, um, well...International!?!?!?!??!  The next international sensation, no doubt!...oh, and we now absolutely and unequivocally love...are you ready for this??? .... Justin Bieber!!!  His musical talent could actually fit into a thimble...speaking of small things...hahahahahahahahaha....OMG.....so totally not..we love him about as much as we're interested in goin' rogue...and Sarah Palin...I felt that the internet needed a terrible joke and such..what a way to commence this new year, no???

"Oh, Mama..Mama..Mama... No Hablo Ingles!"

"And...BTW...I STILL hate those stupid boots...I so totally look forward to flip-flop season...these things make me sneeze!"

Alright..alright..we're back, my sweet chickadees!  With a vengance, in fact...wound up beyond belief and cooking fiends...interesting question, would you be a friend with a fiend???  Hmmm...quite the conundrum...To kick-start 2012, we made buttermilk ranch chicken stuffed with spinach, onions and bacon, mashed garlic potatoes and roasted baby carrots..

Homemade Buttermilk Ranch Dressing is THE only way to go...corporate, store-purchased dressing is just downright ICK in my hoot-owl notebook!  Mayonnaise, Mexican Sour Cream, Buttermilk, Sherry, Paprika, Tabasco, Garlic and minced herbs..

Mixed Up Buttermilk Ranch Dressing...like The Cure...GREAT album, BTW...Robert Smith was the Forerunner of Guy-liner..he paved the way for its social acceptance...he was and he did..for reals...I was a witness...I'm that old..that was back in the day when I had to wrestle dinosaurs for my food! And use a typewriter...LOL...

We roasted baby carrots...here they are all cute and sweet, tossed in olive oil and pepper...

Proceed to roast these carrots in the oven..no regrets...

"Oh, Mama...No Hablo Ingles...I'm still not speaking to you!"

You will need to cook bacon (those photos were HORRIBLE...I tried..I did...I had about 35 shots of blurry bacon..so, we'll just pretend you got to see that event occur over here on the west side..once you've cooked your bacon, remove and saute minced red onion and spinach...and, yup...it IS a new year..but hardly a new me..SO shake a little bootie!!  We DO lead the Good Life..and Weezer was our poison..well, that and martinis..shhhh....Pinkerton rocks..like knee socks..and you make me want to shout!!  I could never, ever neglect the World Tour 2005!!

Add Spinach..it's good for ya!  Filled with vitamins and minerals and chlorophyll..and that is way better than chloroform...Should we take a moment to discuss photosynthesis????  I've got all night...you????  hahahahahahaha..I always did have a 'thing' for green...tisk-tisk...

Sauteed spinach, red onion and bacon..on a Monday night..on the west side...I think I'm falling for you....there is no other one...

Now once you have stuffed your chicken breast...brown and then roast in the oven..again...I prolly had 50 photos of these events...again..they were just plain awful!!  But, once the chicken has roasted...slice..no fingers..just chicken...and trust me, I speak from experience and have lost almost more than one fingertip...serrated knives..are dangerous...yup...and they hurt!

"Oh, Mama!!!  El Scorcho!!  No Hablo Ingles!!!"

Our final meal...we were a tad more on track, so to speak, this evening in the focus department, were we not???  Or was it just me???  Anyhoo...buttermilk ranch chicken stuffed with spinach, onion and bacon, garlic mashed potatoes and roasted baby carrots...

Remember..bacon rocks!  I shall build a shrine for the swine, oh..and the bovine...they both are divine..in my feeble mind, of course...I look into the mirror, I can't believe what I see..tell me who's that funky dude staring back at me......shake bootie..embrace the new year...do NOT listen to Justin Bieber...I was merely jesting...screw this crap I've had it...excuse me if I drool...I won't cause a scene....cook...go rogue...it's time I got back to the Good Life...and I don't even know how I got off track...at this point in our closing, I could share a cliche...but I have decided it is best if I do not...please join me tomorrow my friends...the year is young...peace out and g'night..

Learning the Hard Way....

Yup...it has been a rather interesting and looooong year, my internet friends...We have learned quite a bit...the hard way, no doubt...the educational results of these 'lessons' have developed from the process of living life and the perspectives gained are a result of trial and error....mostly error...more often in reference to the mistakes, mis-steps and misunderstandings...of which, should lead to better judgment...I emphasize should...so basically, we shall be WIP's for all eternity...you've been warned...my final holiday gift..

So whatcha think about that, Eves????  "Oh, Mama...NO Hablo Ingles!  hahahahahahahaha...shhhhh..I really do love that Bowling for Soup..."

Her sass never ceases to amaze...but I shall move along..we did quite a bit today..cooking wise..that was about it..we made red velvet mini-cupcakes with cream cheese icing and totchos..with homemade tots!  Good times never, ever cease over here on the west side..we do know how to roll and such..and even rock at times..it depends on the weather..tisk-tisk...

Red Velvet Cupcake Components: Sugar, Flour, Butter, Unsweetened Cocoa, Baking Soda, Buttermilk, Butter, Vanilla and Red Food Coloring..oh, and two eggs..I was THISCLOSE to forgetting those stinking eggs..whew for us all I eventually remembered...jeesh..

Mix everything up...I included this merely because it was one of my few 'action' shots..and the fact I could hold a mixer and a camera at the same time..and actually snap a photo..well, that's total and absolute victory in my hoot-owl notebook...I've set the bar pretty low at this point..can ya tell???

The mixed batter...isn't it sooooo pretty and red and bright and pulchritudinous...sublime even..like rhyme...

Pour your batter into a greased muffin tin..I used one of the mini variety...I have a proclivity for little things...sorry...you should know that by now!

Bake at 350 degrees 25-30 minutes then cool on a wire rack...

So Eves...whatcha think about those red velvet cupcakes??  Do they look good to you???  "Oh, Mama...NO Hablo Ingles!  Hahahahahahaha.."

Moving along...Cream Cheese Frosting Components: Powdered Sugar, Butter, Cream Cheese and Vanilla..

Again...I have a soft spot for these alleged 'action' shots..so this one was included as well...I will provide a smidgen of advice this evening...once you are done using the mixer...do NOT put it in the sink before you unplug it...apparently electrical appliances and water don't really mix...oops..no pun intended either...Yikes!!  tisk-tisk..

Our Final Cupcakes...It's most unfortunate that red quality is not maintained after the baking process...I can't figure it out..but they really tasted delicious...currently they look like chocolate cupcakes..which is just fine...but still...

So, my Sweet Pea...how's that cream cheese icing treatin' ya???  "Um, Mama...NO Hablo Ingles...hahahahahahahaha.."

Now that we have covered the sweet portion of our evening...it's time to get down to the salty part..our totchos...tater-tot nachos...what could possibly be better..hmmm..well, lots and lots of things, I suppose..but we'll just move along...

 

Totchos Components:  Ground Beef, Onion, Olives, Cheddar Cheese, Guacamole, Salsa, Taco Seasoning (which consists of garlic and onion powder, chili powder, paprika and cumin), and Jalapeno...

Yes, yes and YES...the MOST exciting part of the evening my chickadees!!!  The mincing and bootie shaking..would you want to end your year any other way...as I have proclaimed for the past six months...the World Tour 2005 will rock on FOREVER...and Puck and Darren, too..I shall raise my glass to that sweet caroline any day of the week and twice on Sunday..fo' sho'  Can't keep my hands off you!...They cause knees to become weak...hearts to melt...butterflies to flutter....ughhhhhhhh..

OMG..where were we..oops..so sorry...anyhoo...brown your ground beef and add the taco seasoning you made earlier...FOCUS people..FOCUS.....tisk-tisk...I'm the poster-child for focusing..I never stray..nope..not ever..I've got a one track mind...and it is totally about cute boys..um, I mean food!  Yup!  Food..

Time to make cheese sauce!  Equal parts flour and butter to make a roux...whisk in some cream..Again, this is an action shot..we're up to three this evening, which is a rare event..but this is a rare blog in the fact it is SO long..It's a lot like Waterworld...only worse....and that movie was soooo bad!  Over two hours of melted polar ice caps and mutated mariner fights...what WAS Kevin Costner thinking????  hahahahahaha

Grate Cheddar Cheese and add to the roux...Cheese is distinguished and exceptional...FYI...hahahahaha..no, it is...I just really had a hard time not using my lame pun right about now..

Cheese Sauce...super yum...looks similar to that cheese sauce they have at the 7-11...but this is real cheese...in case you were wondering...and it won't eat the paint off of your car..

Homemade Tots Components: Mashed Potatoes, Egg, Flour, Panko and Oil

Mix your egg, flour and mashed potatoes...coat with Panko bread crumbs...they surely will need a little cowbell...of the Will Farrel and East Jesus Nowhere variety...that truly is one of the funniest things I have ever seen...Will is my hero...and it is an excellent chair dancing song IMHO, of course..well, and he does make an awesome Robert Goulet...

Deep fry your tots in oil..It will be greasy..It will stink up your apartment...It will stink up the entire floor of your apartment building..It will create a gigantic mess...but it IS worth every minute of your time..these were SO delicious!

Deep Fried Tots!  Paradise...I dream of Paradise..

So, my dear, precious E.V....what do you think about tots???  "Mama, NO Hablo Ingles!  Hahahahahaahaha..."

And just when you thought this would never end..it has...with a bang, no doubt...I guess if I'm not going to, at least my meal can..tisk-tisk...

Totchos...tots, ground beef, cheese, salsa, sour cream, olives, onions, guacamole, jalapenos and lime...YUM...

That's what a gal has in Portlandia on a New Year's Eve...treats and tots..it IS the west side..so..you know how that goes and such..I suppose we shall embrace and look forward to what 2012 has to offer...Put your faith in a miracle that it will be different, I suppose...but we should close by reflecting upon and highlighting the important life lessons learned this year..and we had a plethora..as we are a walking disaster..um..let me see...acronyms are the bee's knees...as are boots and sassy gals..and knee socks..oh, hot liquids in a blender will explode all over your kitchen...never, ever..under any circumstance stand on a swivel chair...electrical appliances and water are a poor combination...be sure and know whom it is you are texting before you hit send...the song DOT rocks, as does All....always have a contingency plan...never wear flip flops in the mud...your world will never be the same without a chainsaw juggler...the apple does not fall far from the tree, and that's an awesome thing...martinis never disappoint...anything purchased from a Houston-based Funtastic Toy company brings nothing but disappointment and regret...much like all guys under the age of thirty....so it's pretty much the same song, different chorus...oh, and NO Hablo Ingles!!  Happy New Year, my interweb friends...make totchos..and cupcakes..or anything for that matter..cooking is a hoot!  And get a tattoo!!  G'night!  See ya next year!!!