Loser Of The Year...

We're back....to make a looooooong story short, maybe you'd better brace yourself, or at least have a seat...ahem, well, um...I have a virus!  Yup...but I'll be OK, and perhaps I should clarify for all of those jaws that surely just dropped...tisk-tisk....I DO have a virus, but it is technically not me....my work computer has a virus and it happened Sunday night..and it was hideously gruesome...sad, heartbreaking and valuable lessons have been learned...the internet is like a box of chocolates...be careful about on what link you click...you never know what you're gonna get....and in my case, it was the equivalent to one of those disgustingly gross orange cream gelatin-type candies...ICK!!  Lesson learned, though....

"Oh, Mama...now you're just talking smack!  You never learn anything from you're mistakes...Heck, you're still wearing those stinkin' fittens, and I told you months ago to get rid of those things...they make me sneeze, too...Jeesh!"

Again, she shares in my frustration of our virus issue.....the 'IT guy' picked up my tower today...which means I have to use my crap-top for the time being...it is THE biggest piece of crap and to make matters even worse (and, yes..it is possible if one can imagine such a thing), my crap-top has no sound..Years ago I somehow deleted it...yup...don't even ask me how...even the 'IT guy' had no idea how I managed to do that..anyhoo..I am not about to stay in this apartment without music...so E.V. and I went to the store this evening and bought the best CD player $39.99 will get ya!  hahahahahahaa...it's no Bose...we'll leave it at that....but it serves its purpose...AND it has a clock..only I don't know how to change it...heck, for reals it took me 20 minutes to figure out how to turn it on...whatever happened to a 'power' button....WHO KNEW that 'standby' was the new 'power' button...SO, we also bought two CD's...I haven't purchased a CD since 2005..but if one thing hasn't changed, it's a CD...they're still freaking IMPOSSIBLE to open!!!  And that stupid sticker-seal-thing...OMG...it's like Gorilla Glue!  Not to mention, terribly frustrating...I was on the brink of beating it with a hammer...just to open the case...but I don't have a hammer...I am a woman on the edge...stinkin' technology and such...pfft....

"Oh, Mama...My head's about to pop..you'd better stay clear...get me outta here!!  And we should give a little shout out to our favorite, super-cool neighbor for coming down to help us with that stupid computer!!"  Ah, yes, E.V...you are correct...a thanks to the person whom resides in the penthouse apartment... ;-)

OK....putting viruses and CDs and crap-tops and such aside, I cooked...not tonight...we didn't eat tonight..well, a few Pringles, and they are rather delish!  But I did cook last night because it was Sunday night and the weekend, only I couldn't blog about it...yeah, you don't get out of it that easily..and I would have blogged last night, but I couldn't get the internet connected...the story continues to go downhill....in fact, it's all downhill from here...hold on, my friends...the ride will be bumpy...you've been warned...I am polite, thoughtful and considerate, even....tisk-tisk....I made Crispy Chilean Sea Bass with Confit of Fingerling Potatoes, Pancetta, Peas and Garlic..

Dinner Components 1st Edition - Olive Oil, Baby Carrots, Garlic, Thyme and Fingerling Potatoes

Have you got thyme for Dinner Components 2nd Edition???  hahahahahaha...sorry...again, I try SO hard to refrain...it's the little things that prevent me from, well..um..moving along....I'll save that for Dr. Phil..hahahahaha - Pancetta, Sea Bass, Peas and Parsley (and this was in two separate photos because I am forgetful, at thymes....this thyme I blame the martini...yup...but we did zero accidental backflips, or trip over dishwasher doors or suffer any sort of bodily injury..that makes it a good night in my hoot-owl notebook!

Quarter/slice your carrots, potatoes and garlic..and, alas...the portion of the evening to which I most look forward...bootie shaking!!!!  Things just don't get any better than that, IMHO...last night's musical selections were a little different...and limited to what I could pull up on the Crackberry...but tonight...totes different story....Good thing I sprung for that $39.99 CD player, no????....Summer Paradise...OMG..thank you, Simple Plan...and thank you, Pierre...for being so freaking cute....

Add olive oil to your vegetables and herbs previously salted and peppered...enough to cover them completely...and this, yup...my action shot!!!  It even lacked ginormously, ugly man hands...hmmm..I have zero idea as to whom would possess such things...nope..certainly not me...I'm cooler than I've ever been...hahahahahahahahaha...sooooo untrue!

Once you have poured the olive oil...cover with foil...bake at 275 degrees for an hour...more like an hour and 15 minutes if we wanna get all technical....do you???  Again, I've got all night...and you can listen to The Killers...life doesn't get much better than that..fo' sho'!  I really have not hit rock bottom...it's this big initernet ruse..hahahahaha

Continuing with the confit components...while your veggies confit and such...hahahaha..brown some pancetta...in, none other....does he really need an introduction at this stage????  My trusty and faithful SOJ....My soul was broken....but my sweet SOJ mended all 'cause he's a thoughtful kinda skillet...he remembers every sunset...he remembers every word I've said....

Once the vegetables have roasted...allow them to cool in the olive oil...and I did have a pic of that, but can't find it..it's totes the fault of Mr. Crap-top...but...saute those veggies with peas and your pancetta...brown them and such..flavors can blend and meld..it's paradise..tasty, even...

"Um, Mama...you need to help stamp out this mindless mindlessness, and those boots should do the trick!  Keep your stupidity to yourself..hahahahahahaha...I crack myself up!!"

We'll progress to the fish-cooking portion of this evening...Chilean Sea Bass is THE best fish on earth....for reals...I could eat it every night...and I could go on and on..for hours, even on its greatness...hahahahaha...I'd never subject you to additional punishment...

Salt and Pepper your fish...then dredge in flour...do not dread this step...it's not all that bad...not like Dred Scott v. Sanford..

Cook 3-4 minutes on each side...use the olive oil left over from the vegetables...it makes a huge difference..critical, in fact...ahhh...the drama!

"OH, Mama...Aren't I the cutest thing EVER???!!????  And I am too tired and hungry to beg....please..."

The pinnacle of our evening....how this was reached is an absolute miracle...shhhh...I kid you not....

Crispy Chilean Sea Bass with Confit of Fingerling Potatoes, Baby Carrots, Pancetta, Peas and Garlic

I really liked this, a whole lot...but, I'm a big fan of sea bass....and an even bigger nerd...shhhhh..I have just listened to the same song for the past two hours...yeah...two...

Some day I will find my way back to where your name was written in the sand...we were never gonna say goodbye...It's been a long 48 hours here on the west side...it felt more like 480 hours....avoid viruses..they really are most unfortunate...take me back to Summer Paradise...my heart is sinking...Tomorrow I'm headed to the Red Star Cafe...I hear they have real computers...and I have a TON of work...'cause real life can't wait...and that sucks....get me outta here...I want to join a sassy gal wearing purple Doc Martens 'cause she's super-cool and such...Simple Plan rocks...confit something...zero regrets!  Remember that the internet is like a box of chocolates...terribly unpredictable, and potentially disappointing...actually mostly disappointing...much like, um...I should just say G'night...!!!!

Cloudy, With A Chance Of Meatballs....

Ahhh...childhood memories..you can't really beat those, no???  Nor the 70's....I so want to move to the town of Chewandswallow...Actually, I think I may run for mayor...I would surely win...OMG...I just fell off of my chair...an acute case of the giggles, no doubt...anyhoo...As is the norm, the book was way better than the movie...although it was a rather great movie..and I probably haven't read that book in about thirty years...so, my observations could absolutely be inaccurate...it is highly probable..however..we could be like the GOP and squabble over it, if you prefer...again, I do have all night...tisk-tisk...but I so want pancakes right now...thank you, Judi Barrett...

"Oh...come on, Mama...We've got a diem to carpe!"

Moooooving along......get it???  Meatballs...beef...alright, I'll stop...Spaghetti with mozzarella stuffed meatballs...yup...it is the weekend, my internet friends...Again, the social calendar was blank, empty one might even say..much like my mind...so..we did it the hard way....The Lone Foodie way...six hours...to prepare something you could totes make in about 15 minutes...but, trust me...my way is MUCH more fun!!  I speak from experience..I do!!  For reals!!

Spaghetti Sauce Components:  Tomatoes, Garlic, Onion. Olive Oil, Sugar, Dried Herbs (marjoram, oregano, sage, parsley, thyme and something else...it was green...is that good enough???)..  Now, I would have used Roma Tomatoes instead of hot house..but I couldn't find them..it's totally The Fred Meyer's fault....But, they were organic..if that's any consolation...not nearly as exciting as a constellation..but..again this is the west side and not an internationally defined area of the celestial sphere...besides..it was such short notice..I don't even have a sweater dress picked out..or boots...what do you expect????

Quarter your tomatoes...aren't they so beautiful???  Now I am positive as an electron..I HATE raw tomatoes...ICK and EW....but once they've been roasted..they are rather tasty...

Slice and dice up some onion and garlic...have no fear...it keeps the vampires away...although, vampires are awfully cute and such...hmmmm...I guess it's a good thing we bought some tic-tacs...yup...

Throw tomatoes, onions and garlic into a large bowl...add olive oil...can you say, "Action Shot!!!!"... speaking of bowls...hmmmm...yeah...Bowling For Soup...OMG...that acoustic stuff...umm and yumm..I was THISCLOSE to not listening..but I just couldn't help myself...SOOO excellent!!  AND I almost forgot absolute zero is cool!!  Like me...hahahahahaha...

Balsamic Vinegar...Chemistry is physics without thought...mathematics is physics without purpose..told ya I was the new Confucius...hahahahahaha..JK...I'm actually the new mayor of Chewandswallow..shhhhhh..that's unconfirmed...But my hand is GINORMOUS...and desparately in need of moisturizer....Yikes!!!

Add your dried herbs...a little sugar..a little salt..

Stir it all up, baby..it's fun...shake things up a bit...and a little bootie...it's Saturday night...don't we all party like rock-stars???

"Mama...you may have seen a meteor shower, but I bet you've never seen a shower 'meatier' than this!"  tisk-tisk....

Place your onions, tomatoes, garlic and herbs tossed in olive oil and balsamic on cookie sheets..roast in the oven two hours...325 degrees... this gives you two whole hours to do really lame crap, which we did...yup...

Here are the roasted tomatoes..straight out of the oven..Oh, and speaking of lame crap..what you really want to do is take this photo, then forget your dishwasher door was open...and proceed to trip backwards over it...I am rather certain some sort of back-flip was involved..however...my memory is a little fuzzy...I blame the head injury I sustained when I bounced off the hall closet door...AND I have a beautiful bruise on my leg...and something may or may not be broken....hard to say...I feel like I've been run over by a truck...I'm imagining that would have been a little more glamorous...

Once you have regained consciousness...puree your tomatoes...in your blender...named Bob..he will be eternally grateful...for reals!!!  Meanwhile listening to 1985..the acoustic version, fo' sho'!!  Now I so want to shake my bootie on the hood of White Snake's car...yup....maybe I should just have another martini..or do another back flip over my dishwasher door...I'm on the fence in regards to this critical decision...hahahahahahaa....

You'll need to strain your puree...it has seeds and such...it sucks...but it does behoove one to not eliminate this process...nope...it's a struggle, laborious...an endeavor..but don't you strive to be the best???  I do! tee-hee....

The transformation of the sauce...an extreme make-over, so to speak...add some tomato paste to your puree...it provides an added something, in addition to color..and I know there's something to describe what it does..but I don't know...just add it...trust me...

While your sauce is cooking down a bit...clean out your fridge...I'm the multi-tasking Queen..oh, and the Homecoming Queen...shhhh...and you can listen to the World Tour 2005...every Saturday Night should be THIS awesome...and, yup...my tree is STILL up...zip it...it's decorated with toys so I may just keep it up all year long...mostly because I'm too lazy and I feel like it...besides, I'll be prepared when we celebrate Christmas in July!!  Always thinking ahead...um, yeah..that's it..

The second half of the blog shall now commence...Meatballs...and their formation..so, this may be the second longest blog in history...and meatballs make me think of Aqua Teen Hunger Force...and Meatwad...The innocent shall suffer - big time...Shut up ya yo-yo's...You think you're gonna live forever, but you won't. Someone'll kill ya..Someone'll kill ya with a knife!  hahahahahahaa....

Meatball Components:  Ground Beef, Egg, Balsamic, Bread Crumbs, Olive Oil, Herbs (not photoed) and mozzarella cubes...

The mozzarella is hiding inside...pretty sneaky, IMHO, of course...

Place your meatballs in a dish..this dish is Princess House...I've had it forever...back when I had a husband and wasn't an Oregonian...somehow it survived the trip out west...although, it was nestled amongst 50 pairs of shoes...maybe that was the trick!  And I did have that many pairs...my sister was SOOOOOOOO mad....BTW

Add your sauce and cheese...bake for approximately 30 minutes...an unconventional method, but highly recommended...it's sooooo tasty this way..it truly is..

"Oh, Mama...You're about to not have a mouth!  And I mean it!!  I'll rip it off!!!  hahahahahaa...I'm hungry!  Let's eat!!!"

Time for pasta!!  I got the pasta with extra gluten..after last night's debacle I wasn't about to take any chances...yup...I think I really like gluten...

Cooked pasta...the highlight of our Saturday Night...see...it was totally worth sticking around just to witness this, was it not????  Destiny is calling me...It was only a kiss....I swear!!

"Remember, Mama..I wasn't born yesterday...I've seen movies..."

Spaghetti with Mozzarella Stuffed Meatballs...All good things come to those who wait, no????

Alas, all good things must come to an end, as well...I suppose...hahahahahaha...
Tomorrow we conquer Pickles in Pittsburgh!  We're marching out of time..to the beat of a different drummer, in fact....JIC you hadn't noticed....I've been thinking quite a bit about my new band, The Fennel Fronds..and, um, yeah...I need a bassist and a drummer...and I need someone to play cowbell...that's gonna totes be essential and our claim to fame, no doubt...so if you're interested, inquire within...open up your eager eyes...Mamma Mia...make spaghetti.. I almost had you...But I guess that doesn't cut it......I'm the best person in the whole town!! Well, I am a west-sider..would you expect any less???  G'night...Now I'm destined to spend my time missing you...We shall return....!!

When I Come Around...

I heard you crying loud...all the way across town...well, um, that actually was me..on the east side...and I always get lost...and cry..I am a walking disaster, but shhhhhh...we should keep that on the DL..tonight, my chickadees...just may be THE most meticulous blog entry in the history of all blog entries...it was a Friday night...I'm single..no plans...nope..none..leave a single gal alone in an apartment with food, a dog and a camera and an over-abundance of time...well, quite frankly, that's a recipe for disaster (pun completely intended..tisk-tisk)...or TMI...I am on the fence in regards to the outcome...there were no disasters, per se...but TMI..yup...totally TMI..soooo, you all wanna pitch in some cash so I can start my match.com profile????  hahahahahahhaahahaha...

"Oh, Mama...we should have a bake-sale...we could totes raise some money...I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get you out of this house....for reals and such...seriously.."

So..this evening we had a sandwich...quite popular in Pennsylvania..one of the five reasons I return to that state or actually confess to being a native..the other four being..(in no particular order, mind you..)...um, Park Pizza, Yuengling Lager, Cheese Steaks, and a sassy gal sporting purple Doc Martens...yup..anyhoo...a sandwich with cole slaw and fries and 1000 island dressing..along with mac and cheese..and my version took about four hours....you could absolutely cheat and make this in 15 minutes, again, though...I really had nothing better to do...besides...it tastes way better than cheating with that corporate, evil, processed food...yup...totes...

1000 Island Dressing Components: Hard Boiled Egg, Mayonnaise, Ketchup and Sweet Pickles...aka...'secret' sauce...hahahaha..that STILL cracks me up...but, again, it doesn't take much...I'm a simple-minded kinda gal..in case you haven't noticed...

Mince your egg and sweet pickle..and you so know where THIS is going, don't you????  You get three guesses, and the first two don't count...YES...time to shake some bootie...OMG..we are so totally still on The Killers..and I found an acoustic version of Almost..and then Green Day, of course..but that just goes without saying...Can't help it!!  I have no self control...and, BTW...it WAS only a Kiss!! And it rocked...yup....

The Final 1000 Island Dressing...yum!! 

"My, my, my dear Mama...I just can't look!!  Nope...I can't!!!!"

The other portion of our meal..the mac and cheese...and I technically did not use macaroni, I did use pasta..so....well, just so you know...I like to clarify these sorts of things..

Mac and Cheese Components: Pasta, Cream, Paprika, Butter, Flour and Cheese...Yeah..I don't know why I got that gluten free stuff...I think I like gluten..especialy after tasting the pasta...I'm sure the purchase was  rebellion-related...it said Kids Only right on the box!  Enough Said!!! 

Again, make a roux...equal parts butter and flour..and you can use that whisk...and you do know how whisky we are over here on the west side...yup...I totes blame those martinis...although a little whiskey this evening would have been a hoot..although, it would have prolly resulted in headstands...and head injuries...and the police...so, yeah..perhaps it is a good thing there was no whiskey involved...hahahahaa..

Add cream to your roux...are you sitting down???  It's my action shot of the evening...how's that for action, my chickadees???  Again..I do blame the west side..we are so cutting edge...yup..nah..really, it is sad, in fact...when this is the sorta action you see on a Friday night....well, it is time to re-evalute your life, I suppose...hahahahahaha

And when you thought the excitement would never cease...grate cheese...and cheese is excellent..wonderful..transcendent...marvelous..but it's not great...hahahahhaha...it was only a kiss!

Add your greatly grated cheese to the roux and cream...no regrets...and I was almost famous for almost a day...this one time..I was at band camp....nah, it was actually orchestra camp..and everyone just loves cello players..I read that on The Google, too..

I added my gluten-free pasta...again, don't buy gluten free anything..ick..all the cheese in the world isn't gonna make it better...I guess that's what I get for buying that pasta out of spite...it should not have said 'Kids Only' on the box...seriously...drives me crazy...!!

Bake in the oven..I have no idea how long it was in the oven...or at what temperature the oven was set..I should know details such as these...but I did almost get popped for a fight with a thug...and I am an excellent chair dancer, IMHO...Ahhh....those martinis do rock and such..LOL...

"Ummm...Mama...SMH...and again....I almost wrote a song about you today..and those stupid boots..but I tore it all up and I threw it away...which is quite an accomplishment, considering I do not have thumbs...you totes owe me!!"

We shall move along to the french fry portion of the blog..yeah..it's sooooooooo long, there's a french fry portion...AND no intermission...it's like the Great Wall in China...only hardly great..nor a wall..nor in China..tisk-tisk...I tried..

Peel and slice a..um, can ya tell what that is???  And if you said the fingers' of my neighbors..you're so incorrect!  I'm not Dexter...although it might be fun...So, yeah, Potatoes...They make the perfect fries..for reals, they do...

Fry them in some oil...and this process will stink up your apartment...but ultimately is worth it..

French Fries...ahhh...heaven on a plate...about as delicious as a kiss of the same variety...hmmmmm...I am rather certain about this...kissing is fun...BTW..I think...hahahahahaa

This sandwich which hails from PA...well, it requires slaw...make some...I almost had you..and I didn't even know it...now I'm destined to spend my time missing you...

Isn't she the sweetest pea, EVER????

We roasted a chicken breast...shredded for the sandwich...I actually had a photo of the roasting process...but I spared you the pain...here's the shredded chicken...YUM!!

And when you thought the night would never, ever end...or this blog for that matter...our sandwich...

Shredded roasted chicken, slaw, french fries, 1000 Island Dressing..who knew four sandwich ingredients would warrant a blog the length of War and Peace???  Hahahahahaha...It's all my fault...I do talk to much, I never shut up..can never tell the 'quick' version of a story...nope...then I get distracted and trip over something..yeah, I'm special..but not in a good way..hahahahahahaha.. Well, we also had mac and cheese...this was not a good meal to plate, so to speak...so they were featured separately...

The Friday Night Finale..just when you thought things could not get worse...yeah..I tend to disappoint as well...shhhhhhhhhhhh...hahahahahaha...I almost wish you would have loved me, tooo...

Who knew...way back in '79 that I'd one day be the lead singer/guitar player and founder of the new punk rock sensation..The Fennel Fronds!!  hahahhahahahahha...OMG...I just fell off of my office chair from laughter...I guess if we can't laugh at ourselves...we can't laugh at others..and I enjoy that...so...ummm...that's my Confucius-Fortune Cookie advice for a Friday night...build up your karma points..laugh at yourself...so you can laugh at others...it's fun...besides..it's good exercise...it beats going to the gym, fo' sho'!  It was only a kiss...I swear....See all y'all tomorrow...