Pocket Volcano..

As I have proclaimed in the past...The Fred Meyer has EVERYTHING a gal could ever want...well, for the most part I suppose.  Perhaps I was a tad overzealous with that last proclamation.  I have these propensities...shhhhh...  E.V. and I were there today.  Our second home, basically..I snagged a few essentials, and some non-essentials as well as a little gift for a certain chainsaw juggler..I could hardly restrain myself..I just had to do it.  I know he'll thank me later..And while I was perusing the aisles...I stumbled upon this gem...

Science in your Palm...It allows one to experience a natural wonder of the earth...A Volcanic Eruption in the Palm of your Hand..and as they proclaim on the label...an awesome science gadget...

I am still laughing...on the verge of falling off of my office chair...laughing so much the dog is now hiding under the bed....The declarations on the package...lead one down a path towards nothing but sheer and utter disillusionment ..I played around with this a bit this evening..it is really lacking in the alleged capabilities...it is hardly scientific, nor is it quite a gadget...maybe if we said Go-Go Gadget Pocket Volcano...Wowsers!  Maybe that would make things better....

"Oh, dear...Mama...What are you doing?!!?!?!?!  You should really expand your horizons...go somewhere else and step away from The Fred Meyer...."

She is NO fun!  I wanted to do some interesting things tonight, since I will not be blogging tomorrow.  I know..I know..I'll give you a moment to absorb this information.  Can I get you a tissue???  Hahahahaha....again, I jest...but Simple Plan does say it best...You'll miss me when I'm gone..and that Pierre Bouvier really knows his stuff...he is super cute and would totally marry me..I just know these sorts of things...

Again, my proclivity for rambling has gotten me way off track...I will not be blogging tomorrow because I will be with my sisters at the Crystal Ballroom..for a very special occasion...something to which I have been looking forward...an event awesome in nature and have waited at least twenty years to witness in person...ERASURE!  Andy and Vince...A dynamic duo...not quite as dynamic as another duo with which I am familiar...but they are awesome!  The show should be a total hoot!

"Mama...do they allow dogs..I wanna hear Oh L'amour...It's my favorite!  Puhhhhleeeeseee take me!"

Again..way off track...where was I...oh, yeah...my Pocket Volcano and playing around with my new Pocket Volcano...You add baking soda and vinegar...would you like to see a couple of the eruptions...no safety goggles are necessary...unless you enjoy wearing safety goggles...I don't...I remember them from chemistry labs...They leave behind those weird indentations on your face....

I had hoped for something more colossal in nature...like hitting-the-ceiling explosion type stuff...nope...again..I believe science and it's awesomeness were not meant to be experienced in the palm of one's hand...hard to say...very hard...

Aside from screwing around with this Pocket Volcano...we carved up Phinneaus....Yep...he was a disappointment, to say the least..never did Swiffer the kitchen as I had asked...and I asked nicely..No worries..He is now a Jock, ah-em, I mean Jack-O-Lantern..

See!  I told you he was a seedy character....hahahahahahahhahaha.  Couldn't help myself...These afflictions and such...

SO Here is the new and improved Phinneaus...My precious Phin...

Jack-O-Lantern Extraodinaire...

He looks even cooler with the candle...

I honestly thought I had a picture of him when it became dark...he looks even more seedy...hahaha...alright, I'll stop.  But he did look more eerie in the dark...He does have eyelashes....and a cynical-looking smirk.  I tried as best I could with the knife...Yeah, that is cynicism..not poor knife skills.  Totally...

Playing aside, and we did play quite a bit in the apartment tonight...it was raining...rain is not conducive for hanging out on walls..no one likes the rain..well, Gayle was clever enough to create the ultimate wall pillow...a couch cushion wrapped in a trash bag.  It's a hoot!  Genius even!...alright..Moving along... We cooked!  Thank goodness, no???  I was starving...Balsamic Soaked Bacon Wrapped Shrimp, Pasta with mushrooms and blue cheese sauce and french green beans...Umm....

Shrimp, Bacon, Garlic, Ginger, Brown Sugar, Balsamic Vinegar

Here are the shrimp marinating...Just having a good old time soaking it up in an acidic liquid..Who wouldn't???

Ten minutes is all they need...The best ten minutes of their life..You can shake some bootie while they marinate..The Bloodhound Gang will thank you later for the little shake...They will...trust me!

You cook them in a 450 degree oven for approximately ten minutes...the power of ten....so powerful and logarithmic!  Hahahaha...

Introducing the components to our pasta...

Mushrooms, cream, cream cheese, butter, garlic and thyme...Zero calories...Yep...Zero..No fat, either...Why, you may ask...because I said so, that's why!

Saute the garlic and mushrooms in the butter...add your creams and cheeses and all of those zero fat components....

Heaven in a skillet..no skillet of Justice...but heavenly none the less....

I decided to spare you the hideously boring shot of pasta boiling...It wasn't all that hot and didn't warrant any blog space...I hope you can forgive me...

Here are the beans...you can't beat beans...well..I have exhausted that joke..so I shall just show you these delicious and beautiful strings of green beauty..like jugglers of the chainsaw variety, one might say...

Before I present our final meal...allow me to share a few E.V. photos...from our fall  'Automobile Photography' Collection.....Again, I will be an expert by Halloween..Yep..totally...A guru in the visual arts, so to speak...nah, more like an original..

 "Oh, Mama...How did you ever pass this driving exam thing...I probably do not want to know, as it was clearly not based on your ability to drive!"

 "Oh, Mama..mmm...I smell that chicken basket for $4.95 at DQ...can we stop..please...pretty please..." 

Ew and Ick..DQ???  Gross!  She should know better.  Super Ick...

"Alright, Mama...I have been patient...be sure and bring me a treat...after all, that Chainsaw juggler got a present...I deserve one as well!"

You all have suffered long enough...I think...hmmm...maybe you have not...I do have these slides from my 8th grade field trip and I could share...hahahaha...I am not THAT mean..at least, usually I am not... ;-)  Dinner...

Shrimp.  Pasta.  Beans.  Yum.  Simple and Delicious...(again, I shall refrain..but, for the record... I am delicious...however hardly simple..)

I implore you..go carve a pumpkin...go purchase a pocket volcano...go make some shrimp...remember 7 is a lucky number and 8 is great...chainsaw jugglers rock..so be sure and lurch around your neighborhood in your nightgown...it's raining!  Who cares!  Have fun...life is tooo short...I will be back..I know...please..again, do you need a tissue...???  See you all on Thursday...Stay tuned!

Phinneas...Phin for short..

Well..as I have professed from the very beginning...The Fred Meyer has EVERYTHING!  That is where I met Phinneas...and for $5.64 he was mine!  I call him Phin for short...He's a little rotund...a little orange...full of seeds..but a heck of a nice guy!  We're going to catch a movie in a bit...but I'm not gonna hold his hand...shhhh...he does not yet know this, but he is not quite my type..  His pants are not big enough...he owns zero beanies...doesn't wear his baseball cap backwards and leaves the seat up...So, essentially we were doomed from the get-go..but, heck, I'll get a movie and some popcorn out of the deal... you can't quite go wrong...tisk-tisk...

"Oh, Mama...You gonna do that to this guy...??? that breaks my heart..At least get him to Swiffer our kitchen before he gets the boot..."  Well, my sweet pea..he is NO Chainsaw Juggler.....

We ran errands again today...and worked on perfecting the automobile photography..As I previously mentioned..the niche is small...the expectations minimal AND my abilities...miniscule.....hahahahahaha..

"Hmmm..Mama...I don't like it here..please take me home.."

"Yeah, Mama...it doesn't matter how much you paid for this car...they all look the same after the wreck..Merely an observation...."  She should have sit in the back seat after that...

After we drove around town...running errands and such...we cooked!  Heartburn City...to be quite honest...At least it was a trip into the big city..of heartburn!!  Woohoo!!  Buffalo Burger with jalapeno and cream cheese, fries and corn...I should have used only half of that jalapeno..That'll learn me, no???  hahahahaha...I always hated that...Wrong on sooo many levels...So many, many levels....I really did dislike that...

My inclinations for distractions aside...the burger components...as that IS how I roll..I am a west-sider..mind you...and would have it no other way ;-)

Buffalo, Cream Cheese, Garlic Paprika, Balsamic and Jalapeno....a clever combination on the road to an amazing burger...I kid you not, as I do not kid...The Grand Poobah of Burgers...nooo?????

The burger was in store for a surprise..of sorts...the toppings...I invited them, however, failed to mention this to the burger..no worries..they all got along well...whew.............

Pickles, mayo, ketchup, lettuce...onions and mushrooms sauteed in butter...the usual..

Here they are all chopped up...I have a way with chopping things...I do..for reals!

Now, the burger was hardly usual...it was layered...complex..spicy...much like me...hahahahah....not really...I JUST could not resist...I tried super hard to step away from that joke..but was paralyzed!  By the HUMOR in that sentence....if I were to break it down and analyze...I would probably collapse into a heap...hopefully in the arms of a chainsaw juggler..ummm, moving along...

You create the burger..top with the jalapeno cream, then place the other half atop the first half...

A stuffed burger...

While that took place, I cooked up my mushrooms and onions...because multi-tasking is one of my super-powers...shhhhhhh....

I made french fries...I was skeptical...the grease...the mess...the odor..however, I could not help myself..and they were perfect to accompany a burger..and totally worth each previously aforementioned con and complaint...delicious, in fact!

I also had some corn on the cob...minus the cob....my knife skills have greatly improved...and I can do wondrous things...shhhh..don't let the Band-aids company know...they'll drop the sponsorship...shhhhh...

Again...our evening has been filled with nonsense...and Avril Lavigne...that is a super shhhhh...I know...I know..I have TRIED...but she sings about those skater boys...and I love them..in those big pants and beanies and such..and chainsaw jugglers...I really, really tried...I will just stop now..it is best...please forget I even spoke of such things..

Dinner, my fellow friends...

The Monday Night Burger Meal...not nearly as delicious as chainsaw jugglers..but improvisation is necessary at times..go on a date with a pumpkin..as tomorrow he will unsuspectingly become a Jack-o-Lantern..tee-hee...Knee Socks Rock..as to skater boys....and butterflies...and chainsaw jugglers.....Like Arnold...I'll be back...See all y'all tomorrow...

Rain SUCKS...

I know..I know...I am rather premature with my complaints, considering there will be at least another five months of this drizzle..and these dreary conditions...But, I was not prepared..Nope..and it is awful!  Fortunately, I have the You Tube..and my super-cool next door neighbor moved up to the fourth floor..so there is no one next to me..and I can be as loud as I want!  Music, full blast!  hahahahahahhaha....I have big plans..I found Anything Box..so '80's and soooooooooo awesome...  However, music is NOT the only thing on my agenda...is there a chainsaw juggler in the house interested in a drive-by???  Merely asking..I'm a thoughtful kinda gal..

"Aww...Mama...perhaps you need to tone things down just a bit..  Your music gives me a headache.."

I did have an opportunity to work on my automobile photography...hey, at least I'm not talking on the phone while I drive.  That is WAY worse...and illegal..I'd never think of doing such a thing..Nope..I am all about abiding by the law...law abiding citizen, one might say...We ran errands...all captured on my camera...for the entire world wide web to witness...hahahhaha...say that ten times fast..yep, that's what I thought!

"Mama...look out for that car...oh, and that pole..and that sign..and that woman pushing her infant in that stroller...Have you lost your vision???  I don't understand.....Please, just take me home..."

 She did peek out the window...

Then we arrived at our destination..The Fred Meyer...They have everything anyone could and would ever want...For reals!

"This is your chance at redemption, Mama...bring me a special treat...a bone..some candy...a chainsaw juggler...something..I deserve it!"

I did score these awesome socks at The Fred Meyer..

They're a hoot!   Who doesn't love a great pair of owl socks..??  Well, can one actually use the words great and owl socks in the same sentence????  Hmmmm...is it feasible???  Is it right???  Something to consider...

The Owl Socks were sooo exciting, we had no choice but to come home and clean and do laundry..just to compensate for what took place at The Fred Meyer...We are pretty edgy and such..and tend to be a little out of control...but...one does need a bit of tranquility at some point..and I suppose when owl socks become the pinnacle of your day...well,...I'll stop...before I become too sad and begin crying...and that is bad... I'm not even chopping onions..

After our daily fix of automobile photography...we did cook.  Yep.  No cakes.  I am so over cakes...they're soo Myspace....hahahahahah...get it??  We had beef ribs, cheddar polenta fries and kale.  Our prognosis was negative...however I have found the antidote...ribs...yep...well, perhaps that and a martini..you can't really go wrong with a martini...oh, and maybe a chainsaw juggler...just sayin'....

Shall we commence with polenta...cream, cornmeal, butter, chicken stock and cheese..

Here are the exhilarating events which lead up to polenta fries..Hold on, my friends...a death grip will be necessary....the ride is wild...and bumpy...and thrilling...yep..

Amazing transformation, no???  Peanut oil works wonders...

Shall we move along to the ribs...of the beef variety...

Ribs and the rub...It is necessary to rub the ribs...Rubbing ribs is fun..who knew!

They were placed in the oven...baked at 280 degrees for 3-4 hours...

After they roasted..and prior to the barbecue sauce application...I poured some liquor into the bottom of the pan.  I dare not say the name out loud of the liquor in question...otherwise, Leon Phelps will ruin my entire evening...and I will giggle and laugh uncontrollably...But, that is what I did...

Allow me to introduce the barbecue sauce...a little shy..just give her some time..her sauciness and spiciness will soon shine...she's piquant...can't beat that...nope...kinda, maybe, sorta like this gal...hahhahahaha...I will stop.....

Ketchup, vinegar, onion, garlic, cayenne, brown sugar, paprika, tobasco and honey.  Do not ever buy sauce from a bottle...homemade is the only way to go...and much easier and tastier...and way less gross...bottled barbecue sauce, just like slugs...ick...

It takes only moments to prepare...and worth every moment.... sweet...spicy...yummy..delicious...CSJ worthy

For our vegetable, we had kale.  Again, kale is soooo delicious...with a little butter...

After all of these shenanigans and nonsense...we ate...here is our dinner..

Our Sunday Evening Meal...Henry and Ribsy....Great Book!

Nibble on some ribs..while chillin' in your crib...you'll need a bib...I am not being glib....and my name's not Hoover and I don't give a dam...hahahahha...sit on a wall...laugh, again, about slugs..lift your head up high..things could be worse..I think...Dance in your chair and shake some bootie....Like MacArthur....I Shall Return...he meant business...and so do I!  Boasting is what we both do best..tee-hee... ;-)



Wrecks...of the Cake Variety...

Well, I DID have an intro all planned out...and, my bad...I wrote it on a piece of paper instead of my notebook, and, of course, it was lost.  One would imagine it is in that black hole right next to my shopping lists and my socks...the socks you tend to lose in the dryer..not both socks, mind you, but just one..so you end up with a multitude of unmatched socks..It's probably The Great Gazoo...and The Great Conspiracy...and That Guy....I could be totally way off on this...however, I suspect not...Maybe I've just been hanging out too long on the wall laughing about slugs...or it could be that chainsaw juggler...again, hard to ascertain...too hard...

"Aww, Mama...don't be a dum-dum...If you keep this up, I may need to use that Doomsday Machine...Toodle-loo dum-dum!  Hahahahahaha...just kidding..."

We did scores of things today...lots and lots..shopping..automobile photography...I made a cake (insert gasp here..but once you see the cake, I believe you may just faint..from horror, that is), and dinner...whew..  My automobile photography is improving significantly...I mean, I am no Ansel Adams...but I have had no accidents...well, nothing worth reporting to the police department anyway..Allow the drive-by shots to begin...I love drive-by's...they rock..like chainsaw jugglers...hmmmmmmmmmmmm..

"Mama, I love this...we're living on the edge!  I feel so edgy!!  Will you turn up the radio...and stop singing???"

"Owwww, Mama...look out for that semi....maybe you should put that camera down and place both hands on the wheel...ten and two, isn't that the rule??? Perhaps you should abide by that rule...Just sayin'..."

She is completely exaggerating...we weren't that close...nope...not really..for the most part anyway...We managed to make it to the mall....I hate the mall, and the people in your way at the mall who choose to walk slowly in front of you and lurch about and zig-zag and yap on their phones...but I love shopping..I just do not like people...

"Are we there yet????  Will you let me out of this death-trap???"

I awoke early today and had an epiphany of sorts and felt I had to make a cake..a miniature cake..a replica of the Leaning Tower of Pisa..I will say, in advance, replica should be taken loosely..It is more of an original...yep..that's it...original..  It does lean..and that is about the only similarity..but it tasted delicious..I poured the batter into little ramekins...

Baked at 350 for 30 minutes..

Once they baked and cooled, I removed for a further cooling...they were pretty hot..I suspect they had chainsaw jugglers on their mind...

I trimmed the tops...

I proceeded to whip up some buttercream icing...This was delicious!  It can't be beaten...tisk-tisk..get it???  It really was beaten..hahahahhaa...sorry..

Action shot!  WooHoo!  hahahahaha..not really..Confectioner's sugar, butter, vanilla and cream..heavenly...ummm, yeah..

Allow me to debut the first mini cake I have ever made...the replica of a freestanding bell tower..you'll feel like you're in Italy....the Leaning Tower of Pisa...fo'sho' my friends...

The Leaning Tower of Disappointment and Letdown..

Those are windows..do they look like windows??  It really does lean..I thought the butterfly was a nice touch..a shout-out of sorts...to a scout...of sorts...

Ya think I can go on Cake Boss???  Hahahahahahah...This was fun to make...but...I will probably stick to scones..

Yep...I wasted a better part of the afternoon on this 'masterpiece.'  Oh, well...I had no other plans and have been avoiding laundry and cleaning...so..it kept me busy and out of trouble..

"OK, Mama...Your propensity to not focus is wearing on a gal...I may need to get my own place..."

It was the weekend...so we did prepare something a little more time involved...and tonight I had a date...with a pork tenderloin and some fennel..shhhhhhhh....don't tell that apple, who eventually joined us for dinner and would surely become jealous...yep..we do live on the edge over here on the west side...BTW...that fennel dude...he's a bad date...and those fronds of his...they're all over the place...and can't keep to themselves... enough to drive a gal crazy! 

Pork, fennel, garlic, apple, sherry and lemon...

I chopped the fennel and apple....Fun-filled excitement...typical Saturday night over at the Headwaters apartments...we have no choice..it's in our lease...seriously..

After the fennel and apple have been chopped and sliced and diced, they are interrogated...briefed, so to speak... I need to be certain..before they take a ride in the skillet of justice..I'm like the TSA..I examine everyone..thoroughly..you can never be too careful....

They passed the screening process...and were browned in my skillet...Justice has been served, so to speak...tisk-tisk...

The pork tenderloin is placed atop the veggies and roasts in the oven for 30 minutes..give or take...I did have photos..but, again, none were blog worthy...however I can show you the sliced pork out of the oven.  It was soooo good...

Ummm...That's all folks!  hahahahahha..get it???  Porky Pig...see...I knew you'd get it...

A sauce is created once the roasting has ceased...

On a whim, since I'm such a whimsical sorta gal..added a little cream to the pan juice to create a different sort of fennel/apple sauce...I was happy with this decision...A million jokes here..I'll heed E.V.'s advice and slowly step away from the joke...

Allow me to launch dinner...it is a million times better than my cake...shhh..

Roasted pork with fennel and apples, mashed potatoes and broccoli..sooo scrumptious...like chainsaw jugglers....

Sooo...I have learned a lesson today...cake making is hardly my gift...and I promise to never make another cake....instead, I am going to become a groupie for a punk rock band...dye my hair purple..pierce my eyebrow and tongue, again..then dust off the Doc Martens...buy lots of eyeliner...find a cute big-pants-wearing skateboarder...practice moshing...yep...big plans..gigantic, one might say...hahahahahahah..not really..I'll be here tomorrow...with Halloween candy....so that should be good, no???