Tofu Rocks...like Knee Socks..

Shhhhh...please, whatever you do, do NOT let the cows know I said that out loud...let alone make such a proclamation on the world wide web..I do love tofu..but I love cows, too...I couldn't live without either...so shall we keep my current affliction on the DL...at least for the sake of some cows..I need them, too...for steak and such..shhhh, again...if THEY only knew...it could create an awkward situation..  Cows and tofu aside...I have a new hobby..Yep..I hope you all were sitting down..as most of my hobbies revolve around martinis and knitting under the influence..it makes for an ugly scarf...for reals.  But, I have found my new calling..It is unique..much like me..A small niche in this realm of hobbies..so, it allows for little competition...which means I could become the master...Automobile Photographer..on a whole new level, mind you...Why not!  The photos are unpromted.. impuslive... madcap...capricious...impetuous...whimsical... It creates for an ideal situation, so there is little stopping this photography madness..  However, there are a few little 'bugs,' so to speak, of which need to be resolved.. Such as focusing...not only the camera, but on driving...and roads...and traffic lights..and signs..and pedestrians...and those on cycles, oh, and the other vehicles surrounding me on these roads...And the expectations of these other drivers...I know what green means, but, seriously folks..give a gal a minute or two...what's the rush???

"I know, Mama...what is the problem...I am sitting right next to you and feel perfectly safe!"

I know...I know..My precious, E.V...people just don't understand....

"Oh, Mama...I LOVE it in the car..can you go faster????"

We did stop..for groceries and such...She loves to take pleasure in the scenery....even if it is only the parking lot of a Safeway..again, we do NOT get out much..can you tell??!!??

I've been around long enough to know not to listen to a dog...I would totally listen to whatever the Great Gazoo had to say..but, dogs, NO WAY...The Great Gazoo Rocked!  Just like Bedrock!  Bam and Shazam!!!

I realize I am predisposed to getting off-track...however, not tonight, my friends!  I am focused..I promise to concentrate..center merely on dinner..which secretly is one of my favorites...like chainsaw jugglers....again..shhhhhhhhhhhh..

Alright, I can hardly contain the excitement...I made green curry with fried tofu and jasmine rice.  It can, and will, change your life..I speak from experience...I know my stuff..I do not lie..Shall I kindly introduce the components of this evening's meal....drumroll rather necessary, IMHO....

Jasmine Rice, Tofu, Bamboo Shoots, Basil, Chilies, Chinese Eggplant and Peas...Umm and yum...that guy know's what I'm talking about...

You begin by dicing and slicing the tofu..allowing it to drain a bit...so it fries up nicely in the peanut oil...I shall now introduce the life cycle of tofu..slice..drain...fry..and eat...The perfect cycle..much like A Perfect Circle..hahaha..not really..

Once the tofu has been prepared..you can tend to the veggies, which require a chop, or two..or three...or ten.. However, they are pretty..

Last minute...because I'm a crazy kinda gal...I threw in some ginger..I know.. please do not call authorities...I promise to behave next time..It IS difficult..again, another affliction..

I fried up the veggies...they put up a fight, however, my Skillet of Justice, soon put them in their place...and they kept quiet..and I was prepared to take matters into my own hands..I do own a cape, and I am NOT afraid to use it in critical situations...

I have a photo of the curry....I am missing the components, again...this mushy mind syndrome is really becoming rather painful...I KNOW I took a photo..I just can't find it...it's like when you lose your keys..or your cell phone..or your lip gloss..or your mind..eventually you find most of them.. tisk-tisk...green curry which does not appear to be all that green...not like green eggs and ham..but it is a million times better...

Curry..yum..hmmm.ummm..like gum..any other words that contain ummmm...chainsaw juggler, do you know??  Coconut milk, lemongrass, cayenne, a million other spices...I lost my list..that list I always seem to misplace..However, it was scrumptious!

I do, however, have a photo of the entire fiasco-meal.....It's kinda, sorta like a sham-wow..only it tastes really great!  hahahahaha...

Final mixture of peppers, chinese eggplant, tofu, ginger, bamboo shoots, peas, basil and curry.

"Alright, Mama...I have expressed my displeasure in the past when these rambling situations have come about...I am a patient and tolerant dog..but, I am tired, and I can take only so much...shall we move things along..."

I made rice...of the jasmine variety..yeah..you cannot beat jasmine rice..seriously, you cannot..

The aroma of jasmine rice in your apartment...priceless...it smells heavenly...like those that juggle chainsaws, I believe..But, perhaps it is just me...intoxicated by the jasmine rice aroma...hard to say....

I separately plated the curry and ricehowever, I had lost daylight...I took about forty-five photos of the plating, all of which were hideous..so I can only show you the bowl I made..for myself...and took into my office...

Ta-dah..but just a little, teeny-tiny ta-dah...no confetti or balloons are necessary..It's dinner on the DL...Lucky for the dinner I had no date lined up..well, perhaps for a wall or a magazine or The Great Gazoo.but he is soooo unreliable...

So...run off to an island in the sun where you can play and have fun...be a troublemaker...make curry...ring someone's door-bell..explore auto photography on the Lesley-level...do what you feel like doing...just because...you'll have no regrets...none..who cares what anyone else thinks...

Slugs...SHOULD be Bugs..

Unfortunately they are mollusks....In spite of this, and purely for this discussion..I am pretending they are bugs...they have ugly mugs and don't deserve hugs...you can squish them with your Uggs and when you do, wear ear plugs...(Uggs rock, BTW)..they are big thugs...ruin rugs...are nothing like ladybugs..AND they have invaded 'The Wall.'  We all hate them..all of the gals have the same reaction when confronted by one of these things..."Ew...slugs are creepy and slimy and gross.  Did you touch it??"  Then we laugh hysterically about the grossness of these slugs...They are..unequivocally, the worst things ever...They lurk in the shadows..unsuspecting...they are an undeniable wall hazard.  Ick.  Triple Ick!

As you all know by now..I do have a proclivity for distractions..my attention seems to wander...tonight my thoughts were of slugs...and Uggs...and...perhaps, maybe just a teeny-tiny bit preoccupied by chainsaw jugglers..well that is entirely probable and reasonable...I need to find a cure for this focusing deficiency from which I suffer...hmmm..???   We did make some soup...Soups always seem to get the shaft...so I felt the need to step up and take matters into my own hands..soup rocks...like....so many other things that rhyme...One in particular.....STOCK!  You need stock for your soup..undoubtedly!

"Ohhh, Mama..You are SUCH a trickster!  Just move along to the making of the beef stock and show them the magic you work with those bones...Quite impressive, if you were seeking my opinion.  I, personally, know a thing or two about bones...an area of expertise for me, so to speak."

She does know her stuff...and tonight's soup necessitated the making of stock..of the beef variety...You begin with bones..They pave the way..for immense things yet to come...

Beef Bones...The key to your stock..

They are tossed with veggies and roasted in the oven for 45 minutes...It provides for a more flavorful stock...Mushy mind aside..just trust me, though..it is the right thing to do...

Toss with onions, potatoes and carrots...Roast away....Feel free to shake some bootie while things are roasting..No regrets!

Here is the final product..

You then add other veggies and water...boil for awhile...

Herbs, dried chanterelles, tomatoes, celery...Key to a great stock...Again, stock, like CSJ's rock!

The best part about this is that E.V. has an opportunity to enjoy the bones..

"Mama, my bone tip for this evening...they rock your world, no???  Where IS that chainsaw juggler????"

Now that we have our stock ready to go...it is time to move onto the components of our Caramelized French Onion Soup...in a sourdough bread bowl.  Shhhh...I kept that a secret...It was hard...However I did manage...

Onion, garlic, sugar, herbs and butter...

Slicing onions is zero fun...you cry and cry..your eyes burn...it's a sad, sad, sad situation.  Here are the sliced onions

It's all about the chemistry...blame propanethiol S-oxide...a volatile sulfur compound...it reacts with the water in your tears to form sulfuric acid...Ouch!...it is evil..it wreaks havoc on your eyes...and we won't even begin to discuss the wrinkles...

"Mama...this is ONE chemical reaction I do NOT like...not one bit...Sulfur stinks, BTW..although it is 16..and can drive...tee-hee!"

Once you survive the harrowing process of onion slicing, they are caramelized in a dutch oven..

Again, no ordinary dutch oven...but the...Dutch Oven of Rightfulness!  hahahhaa...sorry..I couldn't help myself...I blame chainsaw jugglers...absolutely not my fault...nope..not one bit...

Once they have been cooked, you deglaze with some red wine..SO, I actually purchased a bottle...And I love it...Just wait and see...it made me giggle, uncontrollably, in fact...because I suffer from these afflictions...

The absolute minute I saw this bottle, I began laughing..I tried really hard not to do so..especially because I was in a store..there were witnesses and such..but...I immediately thought of George Costanza..and how he wished to be ensconced in velvet..but only if it were socially acceptable.  ahahahahahha.  Sorry..I have really digressed...

"Come on, Mama..time's a wastin' and you, my dear, are not getting any younger...can we please eat." 

I was so distracted with my wine purchase, that I failed to mention...after the deglazing, you add your beef stock...just about a quart...I took at least 25 photos of the soup and none were blog-worthy...not that I have high standards on this blog..tisk-tisk..but the photos were THAT poor..

Our soup was served along side an arugula salad..

Arugula, blue cheese, candied pecans and carrots...I candied the pecans all by myself..Yep...I just can't find the photo.  Oops..But, I did..For reals!

The soup was served in a sourdough bread bowl, which I hollowed out and broiled...here it was with the soup...prior to plating..and cheese..

THISCLOSE to dinner...yep...just a little tease to keep things interesting...

"Awwww....no fair, Mama!  Let's get this show on the road...Oh, and I do have one other tip...I LOVE being surrounded by bones..they really do rock..Like jugglers of the chainsaw variety, right Mama??"

Soup...complete in a bread bowl, with lots of cheese and a salad...the salad totally negates that naughty bowl of soup and cheese...It does!...Do not fear the fat and calories! 

Well, again...we were a busy duo of gals...not nearly as busy as a certain dynamic duo..but we tried ;-)  It was long and hard, but we came out on top...Avoid slugs...Buy some Uggs...Give someone a hug..Don't be a thug...Vacuum your rug...Make some soup and some stock...it rocks..Experiment with bones...Shake a little bootie..Take as long as you like...I'll leave the light on..And if things get out of hand...the dutch oven of rightfulness is here to restore order and peace..Yep..Welcome to my life...

Impossible Vacation...

I realize I tend to suggest songs..not necessarily good ones, mind you...so I felt I would use this evening to suggest something even better... Spalding Gray.....He was awesome...  Monster in a Box...Swimming to Cambodia...I can re-appreciate these things...in my free time...now that I possess quite a bit of this previously aforementioned free time..however... recommended reads...IMHO, of course...It gets my mind off of..chainsaw jugglers...and these irritating guys putting rocks in the gutter RIGHT OUTSIDE OF MY APARTMENT ALL DAY LONG...seriously..you can't even think!

The view from my window..they were SOOO LOUD..

"For reals, Mama...they are making me crazy!!!"

At least we were able to avoid some of this noise today....we took a trip into the big city.  Yep...got a bit lost....I blame E.V..she was the navigator and told me to take that right on MLK when I should have taken a left...Boy was I happy when we finally saw that sign for the Burnside Bridge...Talk about doing a happy dance...

"Mama...I SWEAR...the map said take a left...I'm sooo sorry...oops..."

It's like the blind leading the blind...we pulled off to re-group...

"Oh, Mama...I'm so over this big city trip..please take me home...and, for the last time, PLEASE put that camera away...I can't take one more minute!"

She is such a mean crabby pants.........

Here we are sitting in traffic...I have perfected the multi-tasking art of driving and snapping photos at the same time...I am unsure if that is what one should do...but, soon I will be teaching a class on the art..I have yet to run over anyone...so it really can't be all that bad....

WE did have dinner...something light and easy...teehee..again, I swear I will refrain...sometimes I can't help myself...I totally blame this east side residing juggler..totally his fault...

"Yes, Mama...we have been over and over this...I feel like a broken record....I. Am. Hungry...  I'm not a roll of Charmin..so don't give me no crap...Shall we eat???"

Alright..she wins...hands down....  allow me to introduce the dressing components...I still have heartburn...yep...I do..It was delicious..but, yeah...I can't quite seem to find the photo of these components to which I have referenced...perhaps it is best...blue cheese..mayonnaise, sour cream, sherry, pepper, garlic, buttermilk and olive oil.  I do, however, have a photo of the mixing of the dressing...if that will suffice....

Buttermilk Blue Cheese Dressing

I also had a photo of the salad components.....which, again, I am unable to locate...maybe something happened to my components file...my mind has been astray a bit lately...those chainsaw jugglers...jeesh...the things they can do...  However, I can show you the most exciting and cutting edge photo ever shown on the world wide web...ready for this, my friends....take a seat... lock up your children..secure the premises...

The hard boiling of an egg..isn't it a hoot to see something THIS exciting!  It's not every day you see this creation...Yep...Doesn't get much better than this...tisk-tisk...

Oh, boy..NOW where was I...between hard boiled eggs, Halloween candy and chainsaw jugglers...I have gone absolutely insane...which exit off of I-5 to do I need to take for Good Sam???  I forget....

"Mama...I love cleaning these plates...now where is that chicken???"

The Chicken...earlier...the egg...which did come first...quite the conundrum..hmmmm..  Doesn't matter.. they both taste equally as scrumptious...like chainsaw jugglers...

After all of this nonsense and inconsequential banter...there was a salad...I rather enjoyed this salad.. I call it my Not Quite a Cobb Salad Salad...no avocado, prosciutto instead of bacon, carrots instead of tomatoes..so, in essence.....not a cobb salad AT ALL...a salad you could whip up....that's just a tip...I'm full of tips... yep...and that is a good thing...of the CSJ variety...mind you...MY salad!

I could write a ballad about this salad..but it would not be valid...and would most likely scare off the mallards...who would probably become pallid...after they heard my ballad...merely an observation...Tip: Do not write a ballad about your salad....

Make a salad....write a ballad...read Spalding Gray...take some time to rhyme...use your great grater...allow your dog to be your co-pilot...have fun...be nimble, as it is a hoot....life is too short...for most, anyway... Thank you all..we will be returning tomorrow...I know..pretend you don't see me coming...and if you do see me..pretend you have a pizza in the oven...the perfect excuse and the ideal way to avoid someone...shhhh....that's a super-secret!



Do what I do best...

Much to our chagrin, no cataclysmic events occurred today..no worries...we're survivors...yep..we are...much unlike that bird I squished today...  For the record, I did NOT ask him to fly into my 4runner..nor did I go out of my way to hit him.  It was totally his fault..  I hit a bird one other time.  Way back in the day before I was an Oregonian.  It was a pheasant.....Lots and lots and lots of feathers...that's about all I can say, other than...ICK.

"Oh...Mama...I TOLD you to look out..it's a bird...it's a plane....no, for reals..it IS a bird.  Who knew they looked like THAT after hitting a 4runner.  I believe you said it best...ICK and maybe throw in a double ICK...Ick....I do like the boots, BTW..."  She knows her stuff AND she has great taste...much like her Mama...

We spent some time on the wall...Shook a little bootie to Green Day... Worked...Cooked...the usual.. Yeah, King For A Day...still one of THE best songs around...makes me crazy...kinda, maybe, sorta like chainsaw jugglers...

"Dear Mama....I concur..King for a Day rocks...just like chainsaw jugglers..but I do prefer your boots to those tired old flip flops...Ick...."

Well, footwear aside...we made our soup!  The soup, if you recall, I briefly mentioned last evening..the one that had gotten the shaft...Well, we made it tonight.  Total hands-on experience...

Go Go Gadget Soup Maker...Wowsers!...(I have many other gadgets up my sleeve.... shhhhhh....perhaps, one day, I will reveal the best gadget to the world wide web.....however, I suspect the chainsaw juggler knows....merely a suspicion...my nose is twitching....)

E.V., unfortunately, had a multitude of reactions....eyes closed, no doubt...

 "Stop...Shut Up.."

 "Where is my passport???"

She's precious...and totally embarrassed to have a nimble Ninja super-hero for a Mama...sometimes, anyway.....She does enjoy my cooking... "Well, quite frankly, Mama...you make me want to flee the country..."

Alrighty then....shall we move along....  The high-tech organization of tonight's cooking operation, that is how I roll...yep..shhhhhh..please keep that on the DL...

Red pepper, potato, onion, jalapeno, carrot, corn and garlic..ummmm...yeah...

Meatballs...with buffalo...way better than ground beef...for reals, totally, and tortilla strips, chipotle en adobo and chicken stock...

Cut up your tortillas....AND shake some bootie while you do so...no regrets!  Green Day will be proud...yep..totally!

Then deep fry your strips...hahhahahaha...seriously...they do require frying...it's not you, it's me and I can't help myself...I'm trying ....really hard...

Precious...Crispy...Delicious...Enchanting...like chainsaw jugglers, even!

Meatballs were an integral part of the soup...not your typical ones...more of the Mexican variety...

Ground buffalo, panko bread crumbs, garlic, chipotles en adobo...um..um..um...like...

You then proceed to chop up all of the vegetables.....and if you are lucky, your fingers remain intact and unharmed...well, yeah...mine did not...can I get a shout out for Band-aids!

No skillet of justice...however, allow me to introduce the dutch oven of rightfulness...equally as awesome...like those that juggle chainsaws...

We're getting soooooooo close to soup...I know, I know..before you even begin to complain..this will all be ending soon and you and breathe a huge sigh of relief...and move to Canada...That's OK..I promise not to tell..

"Oh, Mama...shall we just end this....the soup...we're hungry and such...I don't have all night!  I have bones to chew and things of that nature..."

Alright...alright...I promise to stop...Sometimes I just cannot help myself!  It is Bille Joe's fault...and that 2005 world tour...and the fact it is on the You Tube...and his little, cute red tie..and those black pants....oh, and that chainsaw juggler..I blame all of the above..Seriously..none of this is my fault..not one bit..nope..

Dinner, my friends...or at least the one person remaining...the cheese stands alone, no????

Add grated cheddar (from the great grater you own!), sour cream and jalapenos...Heavenly....and delicious!

It's fall...so be sure and fall down...only while shaking bootie and be sure and fall over your dishwasher door...hit a bird...become a nimble ninja...meet a chainsaw juggler...listen to Green Day....brush your teeth...become a fugitive of critical of mass...shhhhh...I promise I will not tell..your secret is safe with me...cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye..See all ya'all tomorrow...yep...I am not kidding..for reals...prepare yourself...you've been tipped off!