We Shall Not Capitulate...

Well, what a week this has been!  We managed to make our return and have some real food...again, we have sustained on cereal for the most part...our time has been consumed by this super-awesome spreadsheet..yup...actually more than one...shhh....those spreadsheets don't know about one another..keep it on the DL..Being that it is the weekend, we had some time to cook...we have set the bar rather low...as to avoid any sort of disappointment...dinner was not super fancy nor was it all too photogenic...hmmm..that sounds vaguely familiar...

"Oh, Mama...I think you may have just described yourself!!  Hahahahahaha!!!  I really do crack myself up...."

Yeah, she's quite the comedian...although she fails to realize our situations are hardly amusing...but they may be slapstick at times...it's probably more along the lines of a Comedy of Errors...I shall spare you the details....hahahahaha..JK....and we should move along to our soup.  I know..I know what you're thinking..after a week, all I've got is soup...again, that bar...it is quite low, so zip it...not to mention it has been cold, cold, cold and rainy, rainy, rainy and windy, windy, windy...but it is spring break, so that explains everything...Clam Chowder, of the New England variety seemed quite fitting for the weather...besides I really wanted some...

Dinner Components: Cream, Clams, Flour, Butter, Chicken Stock, Clam Juice, Garlic, Bacon, Potatoes and Onion...

I will admit, the clam juice...it's sorta against my religion to use that stuff from the bottle, but I am all out of seafood stock..not to mention I didn't actually have time to make some...I have an excuse for everything!

Begin by browning some bacon in your Dutch Oven of Righteousness...a bit of an over-kill..but I love this thing...and bacon as well...that's why we made extra...because bacon is the bomb...and Written-Off Penny rolls no other way....hahahahaha

"Um..Mama...just so you know, you are hardly righteous...hahahahaha...please don't become indignant...I am merely exercising my First Amendment Right...I don't care what your NDA says....hahahahaha"

While your bacon is browning...chop up your vegetables...this is FUN!  And we are young...sorry...couldn't resist that joke...mincing and dicing is a rather therapeutic activity...

"Oh, Mama...you'd better keep on a-choppin'....from what I have witnessed, you need a TON of therapy...I guess you'll be dicing vegetables until 2025....hahahahahahaha"

Remove your browned bacon...add a little butter and saute the onion and garlic...ginormous man-hands not required, but highly recommended...

Proceed to sprinkle in a little flour to thicken and such....

Add a diced potato and carrot...continue to saute...

Once things have sufficiently softened..continue by adding (yes..this is a cringe-worthy moment...it's from a bottle...ugh...again, my apologies..) clam juice..yeah, ok..I said it out loud...now excuse me while I run off and cry...I was slightly exaggerating...however, it does bug me..kinda like Reality Television....and Lawn Ornaments...

Add a cup of chicken stock...at this point, everything needs to simmer for about 20-30 minutes...you can use this opportunity to walk the dog...in the rain.....that's about as exciting as it got tonight...

"Oh, Mama...maybe I'll just rest...we did have quite a great time with that cute law student last night...rest is best, no?????  I'm tired!!!"  Excellent point, my Sweet Pea...it was the only fun thing we did all week long...

After everything has simmered...add some cream...now I SHOULD have used the fat-free half and half...trust me...I couldn't bring myself...it is borderline blasphemous to desecrate a cream-based soup with something fat-free...although, now I feel like a puffer fish..perhaps tomorrow night we shall have a salad..hahahahaha...doubtful...maybe we'll just go to the gym...hahahahahaha...that's even funnier...deep down I know those things just aren't going to happen...kinda like telling yourself a Kardashian wouldn't use Twitter for shameless self promotion....or that pigs really do fly....

Now add your minced clams...again, had I had more energy, I would have used real live clams...it's just...well..you know, standing at the seafood counter...I just couldn't do it..although when it came time to open the can...I realized my can opener broke last week...improvisation was necessary...as you can see...shall we throw in a yikes and an ouch or two...that lid was sharp...just ask my now band-aid covered right hand...

We made up for the clams by having these delicious crackers...oh, my dear heavens..they are so good they deserve way more than an OMG...You wouldn't expect that sort of reaction from a cracker..but crackers are just under-rated, IMHO...

Crumble the bacon and place atop the soup....

This is our 'action' shot, so to speak..Soup tends to be terribly unphotogenic as I mentioned previously..but it was what was absolutely needed today...

Well, my internet friends...it was nice to be back...pleasant and enjoyable one might even say..well, at least for me, anyway..I'm sure you may have different thoughts..We did sell our television the other day..that's a great thing..we have plans on returning tomorrow...it is the weekend and I am hopeful it will allow for some more free time...maybe we'll even cook some real food...we have mad plans...tee-hee...You should make some soup...it's perfectly crappy weather to do such a thing...G'night...

I Blame the Hoodie...

Sorry..I couldn't help it...seriously how and why is Geraldo on the television????  Yet another reason I don't do this television thing..well, except for Glee..and that's just to watch the cute boys...but I do love hoodies...in fact, I have several...they rock...like boots and boys and knee socks..sorry..I just couldn't resist a jab on a Friday night..it is the west side and such...we roll no other way....but for reals...Geraldo is a loon...It's been a long couple of days...I made a list...um...let me see...it snowed the other night...a lot...for here...then the power went out for SEVERAL hours...which shut down my computer..which made me lose everything on my spreadsheet...then I went outside in capris and flip-flops and got locked out...apparently key FOBS don't work when the power is out....then my cell phone died...I managed to track down my headlamp...but, yeah..the batteries were dead...and I had one lowly candle on its last leg...so I just went to bed...

"Oh, Mama...it probably happened because you were wearing that hoodie...the one with the fuzzy collar..I'll totally bet that's why...hahahaha...at least our knight in shining armor on the fourth floor was kind enough to walk all the way downstairs to allow us into the building...Oh, wait...he's the King..that's right....and a gigantic smarty-pants...I almost forgot..."

Soooooooooooo...anyway...amongst these series of unfortunate events, one I failed to mention, much to your chagrin....I lost all off my photos on ghetto cam..I think it was wearing a hoodie....or maybe it was a Koozie...I forget...But tonight I somehow was able to recover these photos..as this meal was made last night..but I couldn't blog earlier as the pictures disappeared...Yay for you I found them..hahahahaha...we had Doritos tonight..I haven't had a Dorito in about 5 years..but I decided to splurge..and I know they're bad and gross and disgusting..but in a good way..like chicken mcnuggets...and they were delicious...just ask my fluorescent orange fingers...but we made a Puff Pastry Pizza!!!

Puff Pastry, Yellow Squash, Zucchini, Garlic, Onion, Crushed Red Pepper, Olive Oil, Basil and Feta

Proceed to slice all of your vegetables..zero injuries...my knife, at this point, is so dull...hahahahahahaha...like me and this blog....sorry, I couldn't resist...again, if you can't make fun of yourself you can't make fun of others...and that's no fun IMHO...

Drizzle your squash with olive oil and pepper...toss to coat...

Place your veggies under the broiler for a few minutes...just to create a little color...

"Mama...it started with a whisper...everybody talks...."

While your squash broils...saute onion and garlic in a little olive oil...to soften and such..

Deglaze with some balsamic vinegar...this makes a HUGE mess..but it smells heavenly...

Roll out a sheet of puff pastry...it's a total cheat move, but again...I have this terrible fear of yeast and making dough...kinda, sorta, maybe the same way I feel about artichokes...simply scary...like my singing...and like pleated jeans...and clowns...Anyhoo...roll out your puff pastry..a rolling pin was used..this was not documented...again, it happened...for reals...proceed to sprinkle with crushed red pepper...

Add your squash...We also grated a little bit of parmesan cheese as well...I can't grate cheese and take pictures at the same time...my bad..sorry...so, again, I did for reals!

 Place your balsamic onions atop everything...

Sprinkle with Feta Cheese...The walls weren't built to crumble...but feta cheese was, BTW...and we didn't even stumble..

"Mama..that's a lie...you were wearing those flip flops..you should know better...I personally witnessed you come down freely under the influence of gravity...or maybe the influence of a martini???????  hahahahaha....however, it was rather embarrassing...shhhhhhh....yikes!!!!"

Bake your pizza at 400 degrees....10-15 minutes...this picture was HORRIBLE..but it was the only one I had...of the finale, mind you...the steam sorta, kinda, maybe smudged up the lens on ghetto cam...and since it's in such bad shape, I had no idea...but, it's only pizza..not that I would ever discriminate against pizza...I love it...it's just not something which plates all too well...I should just stop...

Well, my internet associates...hahaha...I just liked that...not sure why..perhaps, well maybe just because I did...Make some pizza...it's not nearly as good as Park Pizza..but then again, we didn't have any Yuengling either...oh, well..soon...very soon....Oh, be sure and have some Doritos...zero regrets..well, maybe one or two...just don't eat the whole bag..and fear not the hoodie...they are a ubiquitous fashion item...and they rock..like cute racecar drivers...and the You Tube..and boots...and I could go on and on...I shall stop...see, my thoughtfulness never ceases....it's a win-win situation for everone!!

Carrots Are Golden...

Hahahaha...I made that all up on my own..is it tremendously obvious????  Surely it is...and, again...I do realize it is only I whom finds myself to be remotely funny...not to mention...much like Au...I am a dense, soft, shiny, malleable and ductile metal...but only in my free time..a transition metal, in fact...we dissolve in mercury and in the presence of super-hot racecar drivers with killer accents...it's totally on The Google...look for yourself...I make for a great conductor, as well...shhhhhhh...enough with the gold jokes...they were old about ten minutes ago..but I want one of those hats..

"Oh, Mama...I'm loving this...and you're about as stable as an isotope...hahahahaha..." 

She is ruining my comforter with her bone bits, BTW.....

However she was bound and determined to have her way with that bone...isn't she the cutest thing ever?????

Oh, so getting back to things...cooking and such..it is snowing here...yup...terribly irritating...if you ask me..again..don't wear flip flops in the snow...yikes!  I was THISCLOSE to breaking a hip..and at my age...well, I really can't take any chances..well perhaps that super-cute race car driver could just carry me home..I'm rather certain, even if my leg were to be twisted into a pretzel there would be no complaints...as long as he said the word 'garage' all night...ahhhhh...I shall stop...the plating of the meal did not quite turn out..however the food itself was rather delish and we had beautiful carrots...can I get a little finger clap for Zupans..and their carrots...they were absolutely gorgeous..My original intention was to have steak au poivre with a gorgonzola souffle and carrots...the whole au poivre part didn't really work..c'est la vie I suppose...

Souffle components:  Cream, Eggs, Flour, Cheese and Cream of Tartar..again...yay for Zupans...

No anxiety was experienced during this separation...I may have shed a few tears and thrown a tantrum or two...but it was totally un-egg related...it was music related...and thanks to my man-hands...I can do this...

Continuing on with the souffle...we start with a roux...equal parts flour and butter...this is where things get rather whisky..again, the pun....yeah, it was intended..sorry...I tried..

Proceed to add half a cup of cream....again...continue to whisk...

Add gorgonzola..this was not captured via ghetto-cam...I am rather certain you'll thank me later...but once the cheese has melted and things have cooled slightly...add two egg yolks...

Allow the previously mentioned concoction to chillax while you whip two egg whites and a pinch of cream of tartar...

"Oh, Mama...I'll pray for you...AND I am eternally grateful you have that spectacular photo of Puck hanging on the fridge...he's totes drool-worthy...just sayin'...."

Our beautiful carrots...THE star of the show..Aren't they gorgeous?????

The gorgonzola souffles...rather tasty...in addition to being rather difficult to photograph...they deflate so quickly...like tires and egos..it is quite unfortunate...

We only ate one souffle..

So I did proceed to sear a steak...Chuck Woolery style, of course..of the road variety..not the oval variety...hahahahaha...bad joke..there was no hard chicane at the end of the front straight...FYI...

This meal did not plate well..not at all..it tasted a whole lot better than it looked..I probably shouldn't even have posted a photo...because the souffle looked much better in the ramekin..the steak looked better in the pan and the carrots, well...they're just beautiful..again, I'll just stop...One should probably quit while they are ahead, no????

Snow..snow..please go away..It is cold and wet and I have my suspicions that it will never get nice..I've always been a sorta pessimistic kinda gal...it's in my nature...have you noticed...we didn't really listen to any music tonight...I KNOW...We did take a trip into the big city today...we had our luncheon..and I didn't even get lost!  It's not supposed to be easy...later gators...perhaps tomorrow I can cook something that is not a visual failure...fingers and toes crossed!!!

Jump On My Shoulders....

Alright...alright...I know it has been like five entire days since I've tortured you and I have rather missed all of it...and it's my fault...well, not entirely...a boy may or may not have been involved...but I do enjoy being coy..it's fun!  It's really all I've got..shhhhhhh..Well, I did get a computer virus last night...so that's an additional excuse...oh, and then there was St. Patrick's Day...OMG...for the first time in forever I went out...I really should do that more often...big sighs and weak knees....

"Oh, Mama....can I guess?!?!?!  Please!!!  Does it remotely have anything to do with a certain super-cute racecar driver I saw the other night, the one with the killer accent????  Well, Eves...I can neither confirm nor deny your allegations and/or assumptions...We should focus...this IS a food blog, in case you had forgotten...

"My dear, sweet Mama...sometimes you're just no fun!  But speaking of cuteness, that Aaron Bruno is rather cute as well...we should give at least a little finger clap for AWOLNation..our new favorite band..well, at least this week...and the fact he can actually pull off that haircut...It puzzles me as to how he can..but he can.."

I suppose it is rather obvious my ability to focus has not improved during my absence..sorry...my apologies..but, I really didn't even try..I've reached a conclusion that it's not always best to focus..sometimes...maybe..kinda..sorta..BUT, we cooked..I took a different approach this evening..I just came to the realization tonight...Daylight saving's time has kicked in...which means I have more daylight..which means I can use my coffee table again for photos..which means ghetto-cam has a shot (pun totally intended) at capturing some half-decent, quasi-postable photos...maybe...I also enjoy being ambiguous..perhaps because I'm so big...hahahahahaha...JK...maybe..This evening we had Broiled Salmon with Garlic Mashed Potatoes, English Peas and Dill Hollandaise Sauce...the Lone Foodie rolls no other way...well, um...we'll see...

English Peas..Aren't they Beautiful????  I shelled them myself...Worth every minute of my time...Ten million times better than frozen peas....Yay for spring!!!

Salmon Fillets...oh, and Yay for longer days and the ability to utilize my coffee table for photo shoots...not my FIRST choice, but c'est la vie...hahahahaaha...isn't that right, CSJ????

Dill Hollondaise Sauce Components:  Dill, Dijon, Egg Yolk, Butter, Tabasco and Lemon

We got to use Bob tonight!!  I need to use him while I can...he will not be accompanying us back east..shhh...don't tell him...I sense it will be rather unfortunate when I break the news...I am certain he will find a great new home...with someone whom will appreciate him in the same fashion as myself...So...anyway..add an egg yolk..

Then fast forward a few steps....it's ghetto-cam's fault...add lemon juice, tabasco, dijon and dill...blend..and while it is still running...add your melted butter (but make sure it isn't too hot..you don't want to scramble the yolk...I speak from experience...if anyone recalls my feeble attempt at carbonara...yeah..I've erased that memory as well...sometimes it is just best...hahahahaha...)

"Sweet, sweet Mama....What to do..what to do...Our eyes are open..I say we rob from the rich and blow down the door...just sayin'...you can jump on my shoulders!!!!  LOVE that song!!!"

Dice a potato and a clove of garlic for the mashed potatoes...I have bored you incessantly with boiling potato photos...I decided to take pity, as you have done...But, while the potatoes boil...you can totes shake some bootie...Live in the Water...I'll Pray for You...

Drain Your Boiled Potatoes..Add some butter and cream...smash and mash...It's not supposed to be easy....but it is in this case...

Saute your shelled English peas in a little olive oil..

The salmon was sprinkled with pepper, salt and olive oil...broiled approximately 2 minutes or so per side...The photo of this step just wasn't working for us tonight...I took at least fifteen shots...but, nope...that shall forever remain a mystery...although it did really happen...just like the moon landings....yup...Just ask Neil...hahahahahaha...

Salmon, Potatoes, Peas and Hollandaise...Take 1

Salmon, Potatoes, Peas and Hollandaise...Take 2

Again, I am terrible at making decisions...I had a pros/cons list of both photos and eventually determined that if I were to combine the pros from both photos...I would have the perfect photo...which is rather obvious, I suppose...Now they are almost identical in nature..but not quite..I'll just let this go for now...otherwise we'll be here all night...Go listen to AWOLNation...our new favorite band...Our eyes are really open...and we totally noticed that super-cute racecar driver...again, that accent...I may just melt into a puddle...5, 4, 3, 2, 1....over and out...see all y'all tomorrow, I hope...I have missed cooking...la la la la la la....AND special birthday wishes..!!!