It's Complicated...

Hahahahahaahahaha...nah..not really..again, I jest..it's fun...for reals..you should try it sometime..I should keep it on the DL, actually..otherwise...well, you know...our meal this evening was SOOOOOOOOOOO easy...like me...hahahahahaha..again, the jesting thing..I try..I do..I'll stop..just for you..I promise..anyhoo...dinner...if you can push a button and read...you can totes eat...and it was delicious...thank you Oscar Mayer..Where was I????  Oh...and we had a little more fun with Finn this evening....you remember him, no????  His is a rather unforgettable kinda guy...and those are hard to come by..tisk-tisk...again..I speak from experience...but I'm not bitter..for the record..nope..not in the least..

Finn...engrossed in calculus...he is rather thin-skinnned...and can learn quite a bit via osmosis...especially since his skull hasn't even fully formed..he'll be a genius, though...I can sense it...my nose is twitching..and just you wait until he can hold a pencil..and speak in complete sentences...oh, wait...I take that last part back...guys can't speak in complete sentences..nope..again..I speak from experience...and it's probably that Y chromosome...if I had to make an educated guess...I'm smarter than those guys..yup...shhhhh..maybe I should erase the genius part, too??  hahahahahaha....

"Oh, Mama...Oh, Mama...Oh, Mama...I'm...well..I'm speechless.."

He's a huge music fan...can you tell????  But don't ya really want to turn it on..and watch his tiny body fly across the room?????  Out of morbid curiosity...maybe it's just me..hahahahahaha

Well, our meal...I should get back to that...today was...well it was something..I have yet to figure out what...or why I'm on this bizarre sleeping schedule...but we slept until 5..that's as in PM...yeah..I know...and I wanted to do something since it was the weekend..but then I figured..screw it..so we're having a baked potato and hot dogs..and I have zero jokes..nope...but I am totes SMH....for the record...I have not had a hot dog in like 4 years...I felt it was time...hardly blog-worthy..but I'm gonna try...and thank goodness for our satelite correspondent on the east coast..and her complete and utter geniusness..(I made that word up..but I'm allowed..it's my blog)..we have Finn...to get us through these awkward moments...and they are plentiful..yup..

Dinner Components:  Hot Dogs, Potato, Onion, Butter, Olive Oil, Cheddar Cheese, Ketchup and Pepper...(also mustard...but I forgot that..no worries...)

We broiled our hot dogs..as I don't have a grill..and it just seemed to be best..and I didn't have any other plans..not that it took all that long to broil them..it was a brief event...it's a shame I'm not all that brief with my words....although I am concise and succinct...but not curt..nor abrupt...that's prolly cause I don't have a Y chromosome...AND there is so totally a joke here..I'll let it go...this is a PG blog...hahahahaahaha...but, I just fell off of my chair...and martinis had NOTHING to do with it...it's that joke...OMG...again, I do realize I am the only one whom finds myself to be remotely funny...it's OK....but I'm not short...in case you wondered...and I do tend to ramble..can you tell???  Wait..don't answer that...

The most exciting thing one might encounter on the world wide web on a Sunday night....yup..a potato...and I've already exhausted my Dan Quayle jokes...shoot...AND my Idaho jokes...I guess we just eat too many potatoes!  Perhaps I need to find a different herbaceous perennial..or maybe I'll just run off to the International Potato Center in Peru...I've never been to Lima..but I'll bet they have good beans!!  hahahahahaa...I'm kidding...yup..poor you...can you say photosynthesis???

"Oh...Mama...really...you said that out loud???  But you didn't even make mention of the glycoalkaloids...what WERE you thinking...those prevalent...like solanine and chaconine...HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA...I am SOOO kidding..I just really wanna chew on this hot dog wrapper and forget I know you..yeah...again, maybe I could just move in with Chuck...I don't think he even likes potatoes..."

Ahhhhhhh...Finn to the rescue....I know this is a repeat...BUT...who can really beat a fetus in a candlestick???  Yup..that's what I thought...snap!!  You have zero arguments on that one...zilch...nada..none...Shall I rub it in just a little more..throw a little salt in there as well???  Again, I've got all night...Yup....Take me back to Summer Paradise...and not in a straight-jacket...hahahahahahaha..

The second most exciting thing you'll find on the world wide web....and, again, that's just because it's Sunday night...and slow...broiled hot dogs!!!!  Can I get a little finger clap..please, people..humor me here...

The cooked potato...unfortunately, I had neither bacon nor sour cream...I was THISCLOSE to shedding a tear...but we managed..as we always do...and as I have professed before...cheese..it does a body good...and bootie shaking...that works as well...East Jesus Nowhere...OMG...and no pun intended there, BTW...and the live version...well, it's just priceless...and it makes me wanna go to the Church of Wishful thinking..and that's just genius, if you stop and think...oh, and I wanna play the cowbell...yup...shhhhhhhhhhh...Perhaps we can blame those hideous nitrates in the hot dogs...yeah, that's it...totes..hahahahahaahahhaa

Our final meal....of the week..that is...I would have loved to gone out with a bigger bang...again, I'll refrain..hahahahahha...and ghetto cam, has disappointed...yet again...maybe that has a Y chromosome of which I am not aware.....I'm done busting on guys...I'm sure there are some that don't deserve it...perhaps...anyhoo...I'm on the fence...Tom Brady or Eli Manning....quite the dilemma...and I'm not even a huge football fan....I just watch it for other reasons...hahahahahhaa..and they're scientfic, of course.. ;-)

Well, we should get to bed...it has been a looooooooong weekend..wonderful, in fact..although being a little more productive would have been better, IMHO...oh, well...c'est la vie, no???  Twelve...yup Twelve days until I go to PA...I am sooo excited I could just do a bunch of things...I can't wait...And I get to meet the awsomest person ever...I made that word up, too..again..I'm allowed...so back off!...hahahahahah...Go have hot dogs and baked potatoes..they're simple and easy...um...again..I shall refrain...hahahahahhaha..Shake a little bootie...This is Written-Off Penny saying g'night and such...TTYT!!!!!

Finn...the Fetus...the Saga Continues...

Again...my internet friends..as I have preached all month long..you're sooo lucky..way more lucky than you could ever imagine...AND..JUST when you thought your luck was gonna run out..well...again, you should have a seat...it's my thoughtful nature, in case you forgot...either that or my manners...I do have those..and if you want to go run out and grab a Powerball ticket...well, I'll wait for you...no worries...now that we've established all of these things....are you ready???  Seriously..ready for this????  It's one of THE biggest internet secrets EVER...When they made me..they did NOT..and I repeat NOT break the mold...can we get a little finger clap????  Maybe combine a woo and a hoo..in the same sentence???  Hahahahahahahahahaha...  I have this sassy satellite correspondent on the east coast working for me..we've become THAT large...not literally or physically speaking..but this correspondent appreciates humor and well..is the mastermind behind tonight's 'toy' so to speak..and we have been on quite the dry spell..speaking of toys and boys...allow me to introduce Finn..the Fetus to the world wide web...

Here's Finn enjoying grapes, of the green variety, in an open-top container typically used to serve food....it is small and shallow (the container, not Finn), and while the appearance of bowls can range from very simple designs of a single color to sophisticated artwork....this one is glass...and he's way tooo young to enjoy libations of any sort...we'll wait until he's 13 weeks for that!

Here's Finn...enjoying a candle-stick...and no, again to clarify...it's not the baseball park in San Francisco...although I am rather certain he would LOVE San Francisco...and the Giants...that Will Clark...ahhh...he was the cutie back in the day...heck of a first baseman....after all, who wouldn't???  Perhaps when he's older...and can make a fist..then we can discuss sports and such...

"Oh, Mama...I have about ten dead baby jokes in my back pocket....Ok, um, yeah...we'll just pretend I didn't say that out loud...Weren't you cooking something, BTW????  See...I'm a genius at 'transitioning' the subject...tap-tap...this thing on???"

Oh, dear...it has been quite the evening..well, as I have professed..it's been quite the year!  AND it's STILL January...good grief...eleven more months...I may not survive!!!!  Anyhoo...we had one of the GREATEST soups of all time...Tortellini Soup with Parmesan Broth...ummmm and yumm......And again...re-focusing on your luck and such...the ghetto cam cooperated...and it was the weekend...and I had a plethora of time...and zero dates..and nothing else to do...yup...again..I am providing that opportunity for you to get your Powerball ticket....I don't have any luck...perhaps you might!!  hahahahahahaha...Oh, I'll be there in a heartbeat...it was only a kiss, BTW.... ;-)  Jeesh..I do LOVE blogging...poor you...hahahahahahaa...

Soup Components:  Alright..don't even start..I know, I know, I know...stock from a box...it's pure and utter blasphemy...but I didn't have any..so zip it..We also had spinach, tomatoes, sausage meatballs, onions, garlic, carrots, tortellini and parmesan rinds...

I made these with Panko bread crumbs and garlic..I didn't have any eggs..yeah, insert 'gasp' here....so I used a little cream...added a bit of garlic...

Brown these in..none other..I've decided she should be a Duchess..she is rather noble..and she is beautiful..and we're totes into this French stuff...it just makes sense..and she is a leader...am I selling you on this????  Can I 'count' on your support??  hahahahhaah...again, yeah..I know I am the only one whom finds myself to be funny..that's OK...Yay for meds..hahahahahaha...Nah...we should say yay for vodka..LOL...oh, that and Simple Plan...

We got to mince and dice and such..it was the weekend...we spared zero expense...isn't it obvious????  It was a zero band-aid night...so, that's always a good thing..although, I did trip over my dishwasher door again..yup...my poor body...again...do as I say, not as I do..I'm a walking contradiction..speaking of which, totes shake a little bootie..and, thank you Green Day..and Billie Joe...and he's the only one who can pull off guy-liner, IMHO, of course...

Now is the time..whip out the man hands..if you've got them, of course....just don't hurt yourself...add your minced garlic and onion to the meatballs..

Then add your corporate chicken stock...I know!!!  At least it's organic..

Add parmesan cheese rinds..these are crucial..and tasty..and make all of the difference in the world..trust me...

We then can add our carrots...I love carrots...Like you care...but..I felt I should share....again...I can't help myself...

Add a can of drained, diced tomatoes..and if you're not lazy, like me...you could even use real tomatoes....I totes should have but...I totes should have done a million other things...it's like those things I almost did...way back when I was almost famous for almost a day..and almost homecoming queen..and then I almost...alright...I'll stop...but I do love Bowling for Soup..speaking of soup...

At some point we added tortellini...I feel as though that was a neglected part...yet integral to the soup...but we did...oh, then add spinach!  I'll spare you my feelings on spinach...although it is sooo delish....

"My dear Mama...do you know how you make gold soup???  You use 22 carrots...hahahahahahahahahahahaha...I so crack myself up...!!!!"

"Again...you two are just plain nuts..Carrot me back home!  hahahahahahahaahahah"

Now, here's Finn..discretely located in the pocket of a pair of jeans..who knew a fetus could be so distinct...characterized...individual...only he doesn't do calculus....in case you were curious...not yet, anyway...once he can hold a pencil and use a calculator...shouldn't be too long..

And, for a fetus...he does get around quite a bit..I worry about his reputation...I shouldn't...eventually someone will socially evaluate him..and form an opinion on his entity...but he is not ubiquitous..in case you wondered...but he does play a mean piano...especially for a fetus...he's a lover of music, one might say...take me back to paradise..please...Pierre..where are you????

Our final soup..yeah..I'm certain you never imagined this would come to fruition..

Personally, the picture sucked...I blame ghetto cam..but it was soooooo delicious..and warm and perfect...ahhhh..too bad life isn't like soup...

Well, again my internet friends...here we are....the apex, no..????   Yup..we're at the highest part of the evening...it doesn't get any better than this...nope...again..we should thank the world there's another sassy Doc-wearing gal out there with a tremendous sense of humor...a great camera...and a fetus named Finn...It's now down to 14 days until I make my Pennsylvania appearance...I can't wait!!!  I almost did a bunch of stuff..BUT, I did go to Powell's..and I love that place because it smells like old books...and that smell is, well, wonderful...I did get a copy of 1984 and a Dostoyevsky novel..yeah...I'm a nerd with a capital 'N' and proud of it ;-)  This is Written-Off Penny saying g'night and such...and I do plan on pursuing a rapping career...after the Fennel Fronds are established, of course...see ya all tomorrow...yup...please don't cry!

Untitled...

We are rather parenthetical over here on the west side...I love brackets, whether the be round or square or even curly or squiggly..I don't discriminate...hahahahaha...well, my internet friends...it has been an interesting week and the fact I'm even discussing brackets...well, we should move either along or have me instutionalized...it's been an interesting month...today was no exception...and typically one would associate interesting with crappy...however, for once, that is not the case...and I have an announcement, of sorts...please have a seat...I'd feel much better..not that I'm all that considerate....I actually just feel better by pretending I'd feel better by the fact you were seated...tisk-tisk...again, I do realize that I am the only one whom finds myself to be remotely funny..that's OK...I'm used to it by now..it's been so long...I don't mind...nope...anyhoo..where was I????  Oh, yeah...look out, Pennyslvania...here I come!!!!!  (insert evil laugh here...) But, for reals, I am coming to PA...for a book signing/tour....hahahahaahahaha...OMG...I just fell off my office chair...that is so totes not the case...it's for pleasure, not business...AND for the first time in 8 years, I cannot wait!  I am super excited...I get to hang out with the awesomest person on the planet..that's all I'll say..and the excitement has carried over because I haven't even complained once about the fact my ghetto cam ruined 75% of this evening's photos...so we'll be having like the second shortest blog in history...photo wise...trust me...I can talk..I can talk all night if you'd like..try me...hahahahaha...again, I'm kidding...but you have been forewarned...So...as usual, I have a contingency plan...one should always have one of those...while I may have a paucity of cooking photos, I have an overabundance of E.V. photos...again, you're just SO darn lucky!!!!  Can someone say Powerball ticket????

"Oh, Mama...it's fortunate for you I don't have a paucity of paws...hahahahahahaha...otherwise, it would be rather difficult to take me for a walk...I love Latin, BTW...and being a lame nerd...I do take after you, no????"

"But I totes hate these boots...they still make me sneeze....seriously....get these things out of my face!  Is that Puck I hear????? Where it began...I can't begin...but I do know that I LOVE Puck...Turn it up, Mama..Oh, and I want a mohawk!!!!!"

Alright...alright..we cooked..something new..something sorta Spanish..something I would make again, however...I will state this now...as it did upset me a bit...the plating..it looked NOTHING like it did on Epicurious..although I followed the directions and it was super yum....but it did cause super heartburn...I blame the garlic...fortunately I didn't have a date or plans or anything along those lines...so smelling like garlic was the least of my concerns...at least I didn't have to worry about vampires!!  Chicken with Romesco and Bacon....

Dinner Components:  Olive Oil, Almonds, Lettuce, Balsamic Vinegar, Bread Crumbs, Paprika, Chicken, Roasted Red Pepper, Parsley, Garlic and Bacon...

You'd think with a list this long I'd have more than four dinner prep photos...again, it was TOTALLY not my fault...it was ghetto cam...I actually want to cry...but I won't..there's no crying on this website...nope...we don't cry over boys nor do we cry over lost photos..it's not our policy, so we just complain...again, lucky you!!

Our second favorite activity of all time..beating the crap out of a piece of chicken..It's SO much fun...I wish I could do this for a living..and you can shake bootie while this event takes place...Were you wondering what our first favorite activity of all time was????  Shhhh...it's a secret....It was only a kiss...

"So, Mama...why did the turtle cross the road???  TO get to the Shell Station..!!!  hahahahahahahahahaha...I do crack myself up.."

Coat your chicken with bread crumbs, garlic and parsley...brown 4-5 minutes per side...

Have no fear....the dishwasher is here!!!!!!  hahahahahahaha  Isn't she the sweetest pea, ever????

Toss some lettuce with olive oil and balsamic vinegar...it will soon accompany your chicken and Romesco...

"Oh, Mama....I'm sooooooooooooooo tired....will you please call me when dinner is ready???????  Again, we should take time out to admire my sweetness....as I am awfully sweet...."

Chicken with Romesco and Bacon

Again, the photo on Epicurious looks way better...and I don't know why...although, I'm guessing they don't have a ghetto cam...and they have better lighting and real chefs and I could go on all night..but, I'll stop!  hahahahaha

What was missing this evening..hmmm....I have a list...I like lists....They help you stay organized...Although, I do tend to lose these lists..but this list was made in my mind...and I have yet to lose that..at least I don't think I have...it's currently under review...SO...Romesco sauce is made in your blender..yeah, we got to use Bob..he did not get to make an appearance...back to the blender...add roasted red pepper, olive oil, bread crumbs, almonds, garlic, balsamic vinegar and paprika..that sauce accompanies your lettuce and chicken..woo and freaking hoo, no???  I so wish I had these pictutres..

Well, again..here we are..my internet friends...a Thursday night...a failed ghetto cam...a delicious meal..and Puck....Where it began...I'll stop, I'll stop...I promise...BUT again, his hands...yeah...I'll just stop....but he could totes get a job with AT&T...reach out and touch someone..specifically me...hahahahahahaha...I'm kidding...he's too smart for AT&T...Make Romesco, and even chicken...It is late and we should be going to sleep...we have a trip into the big city tomorrow...but we'll be here tomorrow night...yup....to torture you, no doubt..it's my civic duty...I try my best!!  Can you tell?????  Look out, PA....some Doc-sporting gals are about to show you a thing or two!!!  This is Written-off penny saying g'night and such...see all y'all tomorrow!!!

We've Come Too Far To Turn Back Now....

I was a bad American tonight...shhh...I did NOT watch the State of the Union address as I probably should have...I just stole Obama's line...it seemed to be so apropos for the blog..and I want to build on the momentum...and BTW...I have yet to see everyone play by the same set of rules..it hasn't happened since 1776...so I suspect it's not gonna happen anytime soon...just sayin'...which is lame, IMHO...where were we...Oh, cooking..yeah...and we did cook..so no turning back now...blog..here we come...Woo and freaking hoo...aren't you as excited as myself?????  After all, what else are you gonna do on a Tuesday night when there's no Glee...a Tuesday devoid of Puck and Blaine...ahhhh.. I miss those cuties..I do...next week, I suppose....

"Oh..Mama...I miss the sunshine..and flip-flop weather...and when your toes looked that nice...and when discretionary spending wasn't out of control...Take me back to Summer Paradise..."

I wasn't even going to cook this evening...I originally thought Glee was on..my bad..thank heavens for contingency plans...Fillet with a deconstructed baked potato and roasted carrots..shall we....commence with some cooking???

Potato Components: Bacon, Butter, White Cheddar, Onion, Parsley, Potato and Pepper...This is a low-cal potato...isn't it obvious????  Winkety-wink...

Now...I kinda, maybe, sorta made this thing up...so I'm missing the 'in between' steps, but, you'll live..trust me..and you'll prolly be a happier person...slice a potato with your mandoline..yup...I drug that monstrosity out..that finger stealing death trap...regardless, use it to slice a potato...on each potato slice, add butter, pepper, onion and cheese...continue to stack....and stack...and layer...and layer...Deconstructing stuff is fun...I is similar to blowing stuff up..it's fun...I rather enjoy doing both...

Then do what every red-blooded American would do...ADD BACON!!  Bacon makes EVERYTHING better...hold your deconstructed potato together with bacon...zero regrets...you may need a toothpick or two, but that's A-OK...'cause you've got bacon on your side...be sure and shake a little bootie while you do this, too....and then reflect on the hideousness of annual allocation changes...they are rather hideous...ick!!  Even if they were wrapped in bacon they wouldn't be awesome...tisk-tisk..Where was I???  Oh, your bacon-wrapped deconstructed potato..bake in a 400 degree oven for about 45 minutes or so...I forget..I should know..but I do forget...my bad....

"So, Mama...do you know why the butcher was worried???  His job was at steak, silly!  hahahahahahahahaha...is that Simple Plan I hear?  Turn it up..."

Time to move along to our vegetable...carrots!!  Who doesn't love an orange root vegetable with a crisp, fresh texture???  Besides...we all need a little more beta-carotene in our diets..and I sense a joke there...I do...my nose is twitching...Toss in olive oil and sprinkle with a bit of pepper...we'll be roasting these little cylindrical shaped babies in a bit...

In the mean time...use your man hands..well, if you are so fortunate to possess such things...to make herb butter..for the steak...parsley, pepper, garlic and butter....I am rather certain there's a fancy-pants name for this...it escapes me at the moment and I haven't been able to find anything on The Google...so, we'll let it go for once..yup...just shake some more bootie...listen to Pierre sing something in French...you won't care about a thing..trust me on this...I've become quite the awesome air-guitar player, BTW...shhhh....

The star of the show...the fillet...generously salt and pepper both sides...

Proceed to cook in a skillet..again..in that Chuck Woolery fashion...two and two...I DID have pics of that process...you really did NOT want to see those..nope...trust me on this one..but this is how it appears once it is 'resting'.....

"So, Mama...do you know how cows subtract???  With a cow-culator!  hahahahahahaha...I continue to crack myself up...."

Fillet with herb butter, deconstructed baked potato and carrots...

FYI..much to my chagrin, not a meal which plates well...but it was quite tasty...I guess we can't have everything...I should be used to that by now anyway...

And you can see...it's almost still mooing..that's the BEST part...sorry, my vegetarian friends...I never could be one for this reason alone..although, I do love tofu...for the record, I do..and Lucky Strike has the best tofu in Portland, BTW...

I shall bid you adieu, my internet friends...so long, au revoir, ciao, adios, farewell...that's what we've got on a last minute Tuesday night...However, steak and potatoes is the fool-proof go-to meal...for fools on-the-go, like me..and those whom tend to have a proclivity for hyphens...it all works out!!  And I happen to be fool-like.. hahahahahaha...I'm kidding...maybe.... Like America...we're back..I have yet to determine in what capacity...but consider us to be back...yup...'nuff said...Never forget that gals in purple docs rock...bacon makes everything better....so does blowing stuff up..but I'm sure that's an entirely different website...It was only a kiss...I'll be there in a heartbeat...tell 'em...I can't stop these feelings melting through...This is Written-Off Penny..saying g'night and such...we're gonna crash like waves...but you can't get rid of us...we're like those cockroaches...the best-known pest species...and we don't just go away...like fruitcake...yup....I'll save that joke for tomorrow night...lucky you!! ;-)