"Oh, Mama...the things I witnessed this evening will require years and years..no, wait, eons of therapy...just so you know...yikes!!!!! Can I please go live with Chuck...pretty please...."
"And the fact you tried to make up for this fiasco by allowing me full access to the dishwasher...well, it's not working...I'm covered in flour! And those sharp objects easily within my reach...do you lack the common sense gene, Mama????"
Where were we...the unfortunate dishwasher door incident sort of threw things off..in addition to my body...so, um...yeah..I did cook...it may be one of the last documented incidents until we replace ghetto cam...but, I ended up with a TON of pics...YAY for you..again, it prolly is your lucky night and you should buy a Powerball ticket or something...tonight we are young, and injured..however we almost set the apartment on fire as opposed to the world...is there a difference???? Is that less cool than the world??? Is there a protocol for these types of situations...someone just show up..I'll feel way better...Oh, and dinner...cauliflower fritters with horseradish cream, pan-seared tenderloin with mushrooms, shallots, garlic and herbs..And ghetto cam is going out with a bang...yup...that IS how we roll and crash over here on the west side...well, I roll after I crash...it avoids cranial injuries..again, trust me on this one..I have learned the hard way..tisk-tisk...
Cauliflower Components: Cauliflower, herbs, egg, garlic, oil and flour...
Add oil to your cauliflower..toss with salt and pepper...
Roast on a pan at 500 degrees for 10-15 minutes..until golden...
Roasted Cauliflower....
three guesses, and the first two do not count as to what we did while this roasted..take me back...take me back....to Summer Paradise..ahhhh..Pierre...please take me with you...I did ask nicely...I can't believe...I don't know what I'm gonna do...someday..yup..someday...I will find my way...to Billie Joe AND Blaine..and...yeah..I shall stop..
Anyhoo..proceed to mash the roasted cauliflower...add minced garlic...with ginormous man-hands...would you have it any other way???? Nope..didn't think so..
Add minced herbs and parsley....and parsley I think is an herb...I have no strength to check out The Google...but it is always sold separately...the good part of anything is always sold separately, is it not????...that's just lame...I could site a multitude of examples...but, for reals....wouldn't it be better if I just let this one go...and move along...yeah,, I thought you would concur...
Add egg to your minced herbs, mashed cauliflower and garlic....we are getting SO much closer....
Add flour...zero regrets...flour does special things...again, if I had the time or the energy, I would explain...
"Well, Mama..doesn't the flour establish a consisency which allows for the formation of perfect cauliflower fritters???? It's the fusion...I suspect it is something scientific..but it is a Sunday night...and I am tired...my job here is finished...well, almost...Where's that yummy list of boys???????"
Deep fry the cauliflower fritters in oil...A few minutes per side...
The finished fritters...that, too, could be the name of a band...kinda like the Fennel Fronds...it's THAT catchy...perhaps, one day, the Finished Fritters will open for the Fennel Fronds...ah, to sleep....perchance to dream...thank YOU Hamlet....although, in death's sleep who knows what kind of dreams might come....To be, or not to be..that is the question...
O, 'tis too true!!! O heavy burden!!! We need to make our steak...as it 'tis not nobler in the mind...we want no one to suffer...as you have suffered enough...hahahahahaha
Red Wine, Shallot, Garlic, Mushrooms, Herbs and Sherry..
Sear your steak, two and two..those photos did not turn out as expected...again, I blame the most unfortunate 'acrobatic' incident involving myself and the dishwasher door and ghetto cam earlier this evening..proceed to remove and allow to rest..then saute garlic and shallots...here are the ginormous man hands adding shallots...That is the question- whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer...you're suffering, no??????
Add quartered crimini mushrooms and saute...saute away...
Horseradish cream sauce...there was no documentation of this formation...it was difficult and boring and, yeah..I am nice!!! Add mayo, horseradish, cream and sour cream...um..and yum...like...well, where is that cute boy list???????
"No worries, Mama...I know the dishwasher is broken..I'll take care of everything...I'm the president of the clean plate club..I'll clean up all of this....have no fear....."
The final dinner..Cauliflower Fritters with Horseradish Cream, Pan-Seared Beef Tenderloin with Mushrooms, Shallots and Garlic..
I liked that the beef was on the verge of still mooing..it was delish...I had an issue or two..or three...or six hundred with the plating...
Well, my internet friends...this was one of my more longer blogs, and it shocked even me...and it does take quite a bit to shock me...and considering the bodily injuries and camera injuries..I never quite imagined this blog would come to fruition, and be THIS LONG...thankfully it did...Again, ghetto cam is prepared to go out with a bang..I can't...Multnomah county won't allow such things..hahahahahahah...I am KIDDING...totally kidding...It's been a long night..I'm tired....we were never gonna say goodbye...tell me how to get back...my soul is broken...in addition to my right leg...those stinking dishwasher doors...they should be illegal!!! G'night...We'll return tomorrow...I suspect...I did double-check our social calendar..LUCKY YOU!! ;-)
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