Lightning Man!!! Man, it rocks...like knee socks and cute boys and boots and Green Day....it hurt, I won't lie...but it was worth every minute of pain...so, of COURSE we had to listen to Green Day...even a little Pinhead Gunpowder..and the trifecta...Foxboro Hot Tubs..I want an alter ego, BTW...oh, that...and another tattoo to go on my right arm...just to even things out...I feel unbalanced...or maybe I was unbalanced before the tattoo..hard to say...we should move along, no????
"Oh, Mama!! Can I get a tattoo?!?!?!?! Look at my cute face...Oh, and I hope you didn't sneeze...and I hope the word Oops...was not uttered...that would be most unfortunate...."
In addition to tattoos and cooking and such...meet the newest addition to my posse!! At this rate I'll need to upgrade to a two bedroom..It's getting awfully crowded in here...meet Lyle...the Crocodile..He's never been to the Nile...he is rather docile, yet agile...Has lots of style...I taught him to file and tile...like me, he can't run a mile...it's been awhile...he's in denial..Oh, and he has my eyes...and teeth, too! hahahahahaha...do ya see it?????
Moving along...I shall focus...as difficult as that can be...we did cook..in case you didn't know it was COLD here today...what better excuse to make, none other than..chili! hahahahaha...I'll spare you my chilly chili jokes...for the time being, that is...but, as you do know..I have a propensity to exploit puns...but never, ever nuns...nope...tee-hee..well, maybe just this one time..but that was years ago...
Ground Buffalo, Onion, Green Pepper, Tomatoes, Kidney Beans, Chili Powder..well, that and cumin, cayenne, garlic, oregano and jalapeno...I was in outer space tonight..totally forgot so many ingredients in the photo...Oh, and paprika, which you can see off to the right..paprika is a little shy..in case you didn't know..again, I like to inform the public on important things...especially in regards to the social behavior of spices...hahaahahaha
I used dried kidney beans...soak them for a few hours...and you can use the remaining beans to make a mosaic or a placemat or even a bracelet...yup....in your free time, no doubt..She's Crafty!!! love that Beastie Boys song...
Chop and mince and slice and dice...I have exhausted all of the jokes involving my inability to use a knife carefully...and without incident..we'll leave it at that...for now...but, I will go on record....Band-Aids have not yet dropped me as a sponsor....tisk-tisk...
Brown your buffalo..in your skillet, hopefully of the justice variety...it is morally right...ethical..rational...and just does a much better job...and buffalo is much leaner than ground beef...you'll have zero regrets...my PSA for this evening...I have not provided a PSA in quite some time...hmm...slacker, no???
Proceed to add your chopped vegetables...continue to brown...cause a little commotion...excitement....shake bootie...this IS the best part of the evening...wand worthy, actually...it's stupid..contagious...and a total HOOT! Turn it up and rock on! Be sure and wear new boots..I speak from experience, my friends....I don't believe in jokes or joking..nope...not at all...I'm as serious as a heart attack.....yup...hahahahahahahaha..
Ohhh..then mix up your spices...it is all about the spices..well, no..really it's all about the benjamins...but they can be rather spicy, too...they're ambrosial...fragrant...exquisite...heavenly...adorable...savory....Oh...wait, for the record we're totally and absolutely talking about my spices..not benjamins...winkety-wink....I should mention the spices in the photo, no???? I should have totally taken that left turn at Albuquerque...I'm as lost as Bugs Bunny...
Once your vegetables and buffalo have spent some quality time together...add a can of diced tomatoes..have no fear..it'll be the best thing you do all night...hahahahahaha...maybe...maybe not...see, I can be coy about food..not just boys...
Proceed to add your beans...they are low in saturated fat and sodium...an excellent source of Vitamin B6, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorous, Protien, Vitamin C, Thiamin, Riboflavin and Folate...do I REALLY need to whip out my periodic chart of the elements...I have one...for reals...I'm a nerd....anyhoo...aside from that, they are quite tasty...so don't let that scare you off...or allow my behavior to scare you off...I'm always well behaved..yup...
"So Mama..what's the difference between the Buffalo Bills and a dollar bill??? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar! hahahahahahahaha... I should totally take my show on the road...we could make millions..millions, I say!"
Lyle enjoyed the tree...atypical for a crocodile...to be hanging out with a conifer and such...Connie didn't complain...nope...he's incognito almost...but a total hoot....and allegedly life-like...an extreme animal...he was supposed to feel alive...now, I've never had the nerve to or opportunity to 'feel' a crocodile..but I'm having my doubts..where IS the quality control in the descriptions they provide on the packaging of these toys...I just get my heart broken...my crocodile was hardly wild..and failed to meet all of my expectations...oh, well...The Fred Meyer can't deliver every single time I suppose...oh, and BTW..they were out of that Garden State Figurine...pffft....SO over The Fred Meyer! The figurine that doesn't give sass and such...
We also had cheddar cornbread to accompany our chili...as it was chilly...hahahaha....I can't let it go..nope...I've been trying....I'm a failure...sorry...hahahahaha..Flour, Corn Meal, Baking Powder and Soda, Butter, Egg, Cream and Cheese...
Lyle likes cornbread..can ya tell???? He truly makes me giggle...shhhhhhhhhh....Mix it all up in a bowl...
Proceed to pour your batter into a mini loaf pan..since it is just little ol' me...you don't need much....and isn't that a face only a mother could love...???? And I love, love, LOVE this photo...
"Mama...must I remind you EVERY single evening..I get hungry...you are way to chatty... can you zip your lips for just a bit???? I almost forgot to say something else...I DO love that Bowling for Soup, too...it's a total shame those guys aren't remotely cute..but they can really rock a tune....
Bake your cornbread..400 degrees for about thirty minutes....It's only natural to top with tons of butter and honey...yup...yum!
Chili...the finale...topped with cheese and green onions and Mexican sour cream...Chili..the perfect end to a chilly day..sorry..I'll stop...I swear...It was delicious..Like Chilly Willy, the penguin...remember him...ahhh...Woody Woodpecker...old cartoons are THE best...well, almost....
I believe that concludes our evening...it has been rather lengthy...outstretched..prolonged.., has it not???? Atypical for a Wednesday..but it has been an atypical day...I am indebted...fully conscious of your attention...and I highly regard your cognitive process of focusing on this blog while ignoring others...you must have stupendous sensory neurons! That was seriously a compliment...yup...Always look on the bright side of life...a little bit louder now...jump up and shout...shout..shout...go get a tattoo...make chili on a chilly evening...embrace a reptile.....it will make you smile...like new boots and cute boys and Lightning Man and Benjamins! Let's take on the Planet!! Can I get another amen??!?!?!?! Oh, wait...are those crickets I hear???? Please...no crickets....I'll settle for a little finger clap...Maybe a hug or a woo-hoo...ya can't beat a woo-hoo...Again, I'm stopping...peace-out!
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