"Um...so, Mama...why do only 10% of men make it to heaven???? Because if they all went, it would be Hell...hahahahahahahahahha..I SO totally crack myself up!"
Today was one of the oddest days ever..I had high hopes for this Sunday...much to my chagrin nothing turned out as expected...Does it ever, though??? I had planned to make the world's largest gingerbread man...yeah...it was on my list...of the non-jerk variety...I guess gingerbread men aren't jerks...although they probably could be...hmmm...hard to say...and I was going to cook real food..and I was going to pick out china patterns for my wedding with Puck...hahahhaahaha...only HE doesn't know that yet...shhhhhh...
"Do you know why men like smart women, Mama???? Opposites attract! hahahahaha! Oh, and do you know what God said after creating man??? I can do much better! Again...can we take this show on the road????"
Boy, oh boy...she IS wound up this evening....It must be all of those jerk-faces out there...of the male variety..I blame that Y chromosome...Yeah..that is totally where I can place blame..maybe that's it...that chromosome..perhaps I shall date only those that are pseudoautosomal...hahahahahaha...noo...again, I am kidding...now THAT would make for a terrific bumper sticker, would it not???? Umm..were is King for A Day??? We probably need a little Green Day to 'lighten' the mood, so to speak....
"So, Mama...what DO you do with a guy who thinks he's God's give to women???? Exchange him! hahahahaha....well..unless his name is Puck..and he's super cute...and has an angelic voice that makes your knees weak...then, I suppose you can break the rules...if you are so inclined...oh, and he can totally put his hands wherever he wants! Winkety-wink! OMG..we should eat, no????"
Yeah...we did actually eat...I fell asleep...for six hours..yup....SO my ginormous dinner plans were squashed...no worries...I am the queen of improvisation...in case you didn't know...shhhhhhhhhhh...blog secret...you'll have to see my fish dish tomorrow...I hope you can sleep...it is rather exciting...like Christmas Eve and such! Please have a seat...you've been warned...I am FEmale..get it...Iron???? Which means I am way stronger than a male...hahahhahahahaha..
PEANUT BUTTER TOAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It rocks...like knee socks...and new boots..and Billie Joe..and Mark Salling...and martinis....and Darren Chriss...and all non jerk-face boys...and tattoos...and guitars...and cute dogs...and lip gloss...and pixie dust...I'll stop...yeah...I shall spare you the pain...you waited all evening and the best I had was peanut butter toast...well...It really WAS delicious...filled with butter, too..the peanut butter was organic..if that makes anything better....I made my toast under the broiler...does that make anything better???
Ahhh..FML...hahahahah..nah..just boys...FCB..that is my NEW acronym...If you wanna know for what it stands...just ask...Everyone's so full of sh#t...born and raised by hypocrites...we are the kids of war and peace...we are the disciples of the Jesus of Suburbia...are we not??? The land of make believe...I don't care!!! Peanut butter toast rocks..dearly beloved...get those hands up in the air...and Billie Joe and Mark...call me!!! It'd be a hoot!!!!! I have lots of ideas...just sayin'...hahahaha Here we gooooooooooooooooo....There ain't no where you can't go...tales from another broken heart.....I'm on a sentimental journey into sight and sound...no return....no looking back or down..And, off to bed...I'm sure you are eternally grateful for that...Guys suck!
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