"Oh, Mama...you are a flaky and funny freak...but I still love you!"
She is my sweet pea...I have trained her well..hahahaha...and she is able to accept and tolerate so much...and I specifically make such a statement in reference to my 'date' for this evening...it is the holiday weekend...dates for certain occassions are imperative and necessary..
Again, I am a shy sorta gal...would never dream of being bold enough to ask out a complete stranger....however, desperate times DO call for desperate measures....I swallowed that last micro-gram of pride I possessed...when I saw this creature from across a crowded room...Our eyes locked...I was instantly fixated on this subspecies of a homo sapien...my date...my neanderthal...Norm...
He is hardly normal...but, again...there is very little normal anything in these here parts...nope..none..nada... I was a tad disappointed with him in general...he could use a little sun exposure...perhaps I should hook him up with "The Situation" for some tanning advice...merely a consideration..a thought to ponder....
Regardless of his current appearance...we did venture to The Bounty Hunter...an awesomely terrific dive bar with great food not far from my apartment....
We became a little cozy in our booth....not too cozy, mind you...he was considerate and such...but, again...his paleness..not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you..I was just having some personal issues getting past certainly obvious flaws...he was a little grouchy as well...I don't have time for grouchy...if I wanted grouchy..I would have taken Oscar to the Bounty Hunter...although..when it comes to the Bounty Hunter, it really IS all about the Benjamins...and cozy couches...not quite the same without...nope...just sayin'!
We enjoyed a few vodka tonics...he wasn't much of a drinker...however, they were absolutely delicious! Vodka tonics are totally worthy of a little bootie shaking...BUT, we were in a public place...the shaking of said bootie only occurs in the privacy of apartments and such...regardless of what spectacular music may be playing...the practice of restraint may be necessary...well, totally necessary...
"Couples Night" Hahahahahaha...I have absolutely zero idea whom is off to my left..I blame Norm..he invited them over to our table...he is rather suave in that regard..but, again, NO idea! Nor do I know why our arms are around one another...shall we blame the vodka tonics??? Yup! hahahahahaha....JK.....they are totally my sisters...whom shall remain nameless...(are ya happy Leigh Ann and Amy?? You have been exposed on the world wide web..for all to see!)...tisk-tisk...
We proceeded to eat a TON of food...which is downright unhealthy and fattening and delicious and bad for you and indulgent and 100% not cooked by me, The Lone Foodie..but that makes sense, as I was not alone...so there was no need to cook...tisk-tisk..hence my suprisingly unthinkable and unusual post this evening...from an irregular and whimsical west-sider...whom happened to have a date with a neanderthal this evening...shhh....and I sense a joke here...the nose twitching...I'll let it go, for now...
You can't beat a soft pretzel with fake, disgustingly gross..uber-yellow cheese...and check out those perfecly manicured fingernails!
Fish sandwich with fries and tartar sauce of the regular and chipotle variety..again..yum..
Fried mushrooms...anything, in my book, covered with tempura batter and deep fried is absolutely delicious! Mushrooms included!!
Chicken caesar salad with grilled romaine...Borderline speechless..and I am never, ever speechless..I typically have way too much to say...this was very awesome...I love grilled lettuce!
This evening's meal was the consequence of a visit by my mother...thanks, mom...A family photo of sorts..however, I do NOT feel my impromptu, last-minute neanderthal 'date' is considered family...sorry Norm..you will NOT have a Christmas stocking and such, so get over it now...and you'll be subjected to a life in the kitchen if you choose to stay...you'll be right next to my gigantic pencil, of course..(he really is an eraser...get it???)...hahahahahahaha
We wound the evening down with a little cinnamon-flavored whiskey...ouch...oh, and yum...it is THE perfect winter drink...rather tasty...And it led my 'date' to think he'd be getting a goodnight kiss...much to his chagrin...I was willing to accept only one kiss..
A sweet and precious kiss from my sweet and precious E.V.! She rocks! Like knee socks and Green Day and boys...from whom I would be willing to accept kisses and such...winkety-wink...
Thank you for joining us on this roller coaster of disaster..hahahaha..not really, considering I didn't even cook this evening..tisk-tisk...Neanderthals make horribly inconsiderate dates...The Bounty Hunter is a hoot...but not quite without a certain some one...700 thread count sheets are apparently rather important...The Green Day world tour 2005 will never, EVER become old..and now I want a black belt with little silver rivets...is that bad??? Have a great evening, my friends! I'm out of witty remarks...exhausted, one might say...again..we shall return..may the force be with you!
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